For whatever reason, it seems that many members of the BDSM community are in long-distance or temporarily long-distance relationships with our dominants. In some of the online forums I am a part of I regularly see submissives and babygirls freaking out in the days before their dominant arrives for a visit – as I am in the final days before my Master arrives after two months apart, I am experiencing something similar. As I am also in the middle to college mid-terms, applications to grad school, with a job, and an internship, I do NOT have time to have a meltdown, so I made a checklist which I think is pretty universal and may be useful for all of you!

Travel Prep:

Make sure you know what the plan is – where you are meeting your partner, when, who you should expect to be there (if he is arriving with friends of family), and what you need to bring. Arrive on time (In the words of my old coach, “Early is on time, On time is late”). If you are early you have time to be lost in terminals and to locate where you are supposed to be meeting. Be dressed appropriately – look nice! Make sure you have everything that you needed to bring – if you are leaving the train station to have a picnic, do not forget the food! Also, make sure that you know what the plan is for the duration of the visit. If you are intending to stay in the house all weekend, or if you are planning on going on many adventures, it is important that both of you are on the same page so neither is left disappointed.

House Prep:

While my Master is not a ‘neat freak’, I think it is good form to have my home clean and ready for him when he arrives. This shows that I prepared for him and really made an effort even though I am super busy. Plus, showing a little extra responsibility can go a long way with my Master!

Sweep/Vacuum Change Sheets Scrub Toilets/Sinks Clean Shower
Scrub Kitchen Counters Do Dishes Beat Rugs Clean Refrigerator
Mop Dust


Laundry Prep:

When I am busy, the last thing I want to think about is doing laundry, remembering it is in the wash, putting it on the rack, waiting for it to dry, folding it, but it needs to be done. I need to have clean clothes for a wide range of occasions that will arise when Master is her – date clothes, around the house clothes, workout clothes, sexy costumes, etc. This means that I really need to do ALL my laundry.

Wash Sheets Air Out Comforter Wash Bathroom Towels Wash Kitchen Towels
Wash Clothes


Food Prep:

Personally, Master and I usually grocery shop together – it’s an odd little date we do so I am saving the majority of my grocery shopping for when Master arrives, however, there are things that we are going to need before that. Coffee and a bagel when he gets off the plane, dinner for that night (because grocery shopping is not on the top of my to-do list), a bottle of wine.

For those of you who do not make grocery shopping a date, your Master may not be interested in grocery shopping (if you are not sure, ask!) so have it done in advance. If you Master is arriving at your house, he may be hungry and might appreciate a meal prepared as he comes in the door!

Making something special during your time together is a great idea, but also make sure you are keeping in mind (1) your schedule and (2) what your partner and you like to eat!

Wine/Beer/Liquor Pasta/Rice/Potatoes Soup Vegetables
Fruit Sandwich Supplies Dinner Rolls/Bread Honey/Sugar
Tea/Coffee Cereal/Oatmeal Meat Butter/Oil


Toy Prep:

With your dominant away from you, some of your toys may be getting a little more use than they do when your partner is around, make sure that batteries are fresh, toys are clean, and that they are organized. Your toy bag should not be filled with dirty, stinky, broken toys when your partner arrives! You should be keeping your toys clean as a sanitary measure, to begin with, but if you have been slacking, this is a good excuse to jump back on track!

Physical Prep:

Physical prep varies from person to person as there is no one standard of how we should look – here are just some suggestions of things that you may not think of in the mad dash to prepare, but that you may want to! Many of these things, especially if you have them done professionally may help you relax as well.

Wash & Condition Hair Shave Legs/Armpits/Nether Regions Eyebrows
Dye Hair Paint Finger/Toe Nails Lotion
Make Up


Mental Prep:

Seeing your dominant for the first time in a long time is exciting, and it is easy to let that become an all-consuming train of thought, “Master is coming, Master is coming”. Unfortunately, all of us still have other things that we need to take care of, plus it isn’t healthy to dwell only on that one thought in the week leading up to their arrival. Make sure you are taking care of you – do things that help you relax (reading, dancing, yoga, going to the gym, coloring, etc). Spend time with friends, isolating yourself will only make you stress the time with your partner.

If you are nervous about any aspect of the visit, journal about it and then discuss it with your dominant. If you have not seen each other in a while, there may be some things that are making you nervous ranging from any changes in appearance that have occurred, something that happened last time, a lack of play in the last few months, an overdependence on a toy – talking about it can only help!


Have Fun!

Do not become so overwhelmed with preparations that when you finally see your dominant you fall apart from over-exhaustion and stress. If you space out your tasks and prepare adequately, your dominant visiting should be a pleasant experience, not an added stress! You should be excited to see your partner, make sure you do not lose sight of that in the preparations for their arrival! They are coming to see you to have a good time and because they care about you – remember that!