My dominant, Grimly, and I are in a long distance relationship of 200 miles and have been since we commenced our relationship in 2005.
To be honest, I never really planned on having a long distance relationship it just so happened that the dom I ended up being attracted to was that far away and so if I wanted to be happy I had to put up with that or move on. Six years later and we are now hopefully not much more than six months away from living together if all goes to plan but I thought I might share some of the tips I have about being in a long distance relationship while I still am.
I think the first thing to ask when entering into a long distance relationship is simply is it worth it? Is the time that you will have together worth the expense and duration of the journey? Is there something better closer to home?
If the answer is that it is worth it most definitely then you know it can be true that absence makes the heart grow fonder.
I know that the distance between myself and Grimly is nothing compared to people who are countries or maybe even oceans apart. That is much harder. With those sorts of cases, you kind of really have to think about what the future of the relationship might be.
How to survive a long distance relationship
- Lots of contact - Grimly and I probably talk on the phone about four or five times a day - luckily I have a package on my phone that means I get free calls at night long-distance and a good package on my mobile for during the day. For folks who live further apart, Skype is excellent since there is the added bonus of the video ;) I sometimes worry that when he lives with me I'll maybe talk to him less than I do a the moment though I'm sure that won't be the case.
- Communication in general - I think it's important to share everything good and bad, I think a relationship that doesn't talk is pretty much doomed.
- Planning visits in advance - we generally have our next visit planned before the current one ends so we have our schedules worked out in advance. Perhaps it's daft but I still count the days down even now. I feel bad sometimes that it might mean I'm wishing my life away but it means I value the time with him even more. Planning in advance can obviously also have the benefit of getting good travel deals. Sometimes Grimly and I also try and plan at least some of what we'll do when we see each other so we don't waste time thinking about it when we're together!
- Blogging/keeping a diary - I think it's important to share your thoughts with your dom, not just in person or over the phone but sometimes in writing as well. I think me keeping a blog has really helped our relationship because I know he still enjoys reading my thoughts with his morning coffee when he's far away and knowing how I'm feeling about him. As though he needs telling lol (!) Perhaps if keeping a public diary isn't appropriate a private one might do the same thing just as nicely. If perhaps not more so.
- Working out the future - perhaps its scary but I think its also important to have a future goal even if its maybe years away of a time when you can be properly together. Having big plans and watching them come together can be a really good thing.
That's perhaps the main ones - has anyone else got any pointers to share to help anyone going through the perils of a long distance relationship?