Continuing from my previous article on preparing for your Dominant's absence, today I want to talk about things you can do to help feel connected when you are not able to be together. In the last article, you learned a few good coping mechanisms for times when you feel alone. Working on hobbies, hanging out with friends and interacting with the BDSM community are great for distracting you and making time move the tiniest bit faster, but it does nothing to build connection and keep the relationship alive while they are absent. Today we will cover things you can do to feel closer to your Dominant and help fuel the connection you have when they can not be with you. No matter what sort of absence keeps you from being with your Dominant, I'm certain that you will find these ideas useful to you.
I've broken the suggestions into three categories; pen and paper, sacred space and sexual threads. Each category has unique and interesting ideas for you to try. Not everything will work for all situation, but with these ideas, I hope they fuel your own imagination on what can bring the relationship together across the miles that separate you.
Pen and Paper
Love Letters - When you know that you are going to be apart, it can be a nice heartfelt surprise to have a few (or a stack) of love letters written for them. You can add "Do Not Open Until" notes on the front so that they are opened in sequence during the absence and having someone's words to read over and over again really does help you stay connected even though you are miles apart.
Remember the art of the love letter. Far too many people have moved on to emails but applying pen to paper not only opens your heart to someone else, but it's a long lasting memory of your relationship. I kept every single love letter from my first long distance relationship (which became my first marriage) for a very long time and when we were apart I would find myself reading his words over and over again to remain connected and feel the love.
Journal - Having a physical journal or a private blog where you can write about your feelings and experiences while distance separates you is proven therapeutic and healthy. It relieves stress and many other fantastic benefits. Curious about the science? Read Why Journal? The Science of Journaling from My Therapy Journal.
No one has to read your journal, it can be completely private. I have one that I use as an internal monolog when things are really bothering me or I need to work something out and keeping it in my head wasn't helping. KnyghtMare does not read this journal and oftentimes doesn't even know where it is.
Texts/emails - The instant gratification of texting and emails is definitely something I can't neglect. Not only is it nice to be able to talk back and forth almost simultaneously it's a fantastic way to stay connected and continue the D/s dynamic that you have face to face just by using text messaging and frequent emails. This only works when you aren't completely out of touch, or that a response isn't necessary. While we've adjusted to always being available through technology, it's not always possible to remain that way all the time.
Learn patience.Not getting an instant response doesn't mean they are ignoring you. They just may not have time to respond.
Mantras and Meditations - Having a phrase or quote that connects you to your submission and to your Dominant have a powerful feeling. They may just be words, but as you speak them you will feel lifted up and connected to your partner. A meditation doesn't have to be long and you can have different ones for different parts of your life or as you progress in your submission. If you feel having a phrase won't work, perhaps try to meditate quietly for 10 mins each day. Rest your mind, sit comfortably and just be in the moment.
Timed Rituals - The one thing that is constant and consistent when lovers are apart is time. You always experience it at the same rate. So if you can do something at the same time every day and know that the other person is also doing something at the same time then the connection is felt through the distance. This can be something simple like saying goodnight to each other out loud at the same time, sharing time masturbating, reading one of your prepared love letters or saying a commitment phrase or quote. Maybe that mediation you do can be one you do together at the same time. Anything that you can set your watches by can become a ritual that binds you together.
Altar/Ritual - Even if you don't have a lot of space, an altar to your loved on can help you connect with them. Setting up a side table with a picture of your partner, a candle and perhaps those letters or other items can give you a feeling for their presence in your space. If you are into having a ritualized mantra for your submission, you could say it here at the altar while they are away. This way it feels less like you are doing it to empty space and more to the sacred space you made for your partner's energy.
Talisman/Effigy - A talisman is a trinket or charm that you carry with you that may or may not have a part of your partner in it. I've seen capsules with blood and semen in them, there are hair charms also. Anything that you don't consider odd can be a charm. That way they will always be with you wherever you go, even if they are miles away.
Orgasm Control - Many D/s relationships like to have orgasm control as a part of their play so carrying it into a time when you are apart might seem simple enough. But if you have to ask permission to orgasm, or you can't masturbate without their say so you'll have to find a way to work the control into being apart from each other. Ideas like being allowed to masturbate or orgasm at specified times, only when you receive a text/email or even when you receive a phone call from them. Developing a time and a place even when they are far away will keep the intimacy and share the pleasure.
That Special Toy - I know I have a special vibrator that I only enjoy being used if KnyghtMare's the one using it. Having a special toy that can only be used under their direction (written or vocal) is a great way to connect and fire the intimacy when you can't be together. It doesn't have to be a sex toy. If you have a BDSM tool of another sort that you feel especially connected to your Dominant with, this tool can be used under direction too. You can use it during cyber sex or phone sex or at timed intervals like the rituals listed above.
Erotica Shared - A simple way to connect with your Dominant is to read the same erotic novel and then talk about it together. Another idea is if you get to talk on the phone that you read erotica together.
If you are a creative mind, you can even write erotica for your Dominant, write paragraphs and then have them write a few paragraphs and pass it back and forth, thus writing your own story together. A hot intimate fantasy might be just the ticket to keeping you feeling close.
These are just a few ideas of ways you can connect to your Dominant while they are away. If you have any others, please add them in the comments below!