There is so many stereotypes, misconceptions of what a kajira is; what gor is; what the Gorean lifestyle is; what a BDSM lifestyler looks like; what that sort of relationship looks like… Ad infinitum!But let’s just park them there for a moment, shall we? We need to address a much simpler issue first.When you chat to someone on the street do you suddenly announce to them you are a Christian or a Muslim? Do you tell them without cause you are a vegetarian or your political views? Do you suddenly announce to your friends over a pint that you are gay and had a fucking huge cock up the arse last night?
Of course, you don’t. These are things that are personal to you. They are your personal preferences. They are your lifestyle choices. They are nobody's business to know unless you wish them to.
So why should someone who lives the Gorean lifestyle be any different?If someone asks me if I am Gorean I will answer them honestly. If someone asks if I am kajira I will answer them honestly. But I will not share it with people out of context just as I will not announce I am a confirmed Christian or that I can skin and gut a rabbit in 15 minutes. It is personal to me and none of their damn business.
In any case, going back to the stereotypes and misconceptions, most people either wouldn’t have a clue what you were on about, or have an extremely warped and misguided idea that you were being held against your will in an abusive relationship.
So what are the challenges?The challenges are being able to live and be who you are without having to justify yourself to every fucking stranger – and family – because your lifestyle and relationship dynamic doesn’t fit modern day societal norms we have had rammed down our throats every single day since we were born.
- Being kajira is more than the misconception that you are a sex slave
- Being kajira doesn’t mean you are consenting to abuse
- Being kajira does not mean you must have a mental illness
- Living in a Gorean relationship doesn’t mean you are in an abusive relationship
- It doesn’t mean the man is a wife-beating obnoxious UG who just wants a woman who will agree with everything he does, clean and cook for him and will let him treat her like shit without question.
- Being kajira does not mean you don’t have an opinion, or a mind, or thoughts.
- Being kajira does not mean you speak in the third person.
- Being kajira does not mean you are weak
In fact, the very fact you are a kajirae mean most Men out there cannot handle you or give you what you need.
And that’s the challenge.
- Having to wear the masks in public.
- Having to be conscious of what you say.
- Hiding your true self.
- Living the lifestyle…?
- Having to justify your role to people who notice something and question you – in a way that they will understand
- Having to adjust your speech in public so you don’t call your partner “my Master” in public and have the joy of answering all the questions it will raise
- Having to adjust your behavior and house rules when friends come round to your home or you are visiting
But it isn’t the biggest challenge…
The biggest challenge of being kajira in today’s society is being true to yourself regardless of peoples perceptions and societies expectations.
That is the challenge and by choosing to live as kajira, it means you will fight it every single day.
Some days you will lose that fight. But so what? Success isn’t about winning or losing. Success is about having the strength to pick yourself up and try again on the days you fail.