Dear LunaKM

I am a novice sub who found her  first Master about a 5 weeks ago.  We live about 200 miles apart and have mainly instant messaged, telephoned and skyped.  About 3 weeks ago we met for the first time and it was wonderful.  He asked for my submission about a week into the relationship and I was very happy to give it and found it liberating and fulfilling.  However we have had a serious disagreement over an action I  took because I was very worried about him after he had a head injury. He ignored my calls and my texts immediately after the incident and I haven’t contacted him for over a week now and he has not contacted me. I’m so sorry and saddened.  I don’t know what to do - I know that ignoring can be a form of punishment but I don’t know if this is what he is doing or if he has severed links with me.

I am reluctant to phone or message him and am also terrified that I have lost him.

I need advice on how to proceed are there any protocols?  He is an experienced Dominant but I am finding this silence difficult and cruel.

Any advice would be most gratefully received.

It’s hard to submit in silence. I never understood the Dominants who feel that ignoring their submissive is a good punishment but it does happen a lot online since the only thing you have online is communication. Remove that and it hurts - a lot.

He got injured and it’s definitely a situation where I’d want to know what happened also and to stay in contact. I don’t think you did wrong with wanting to reach out to him. That you had a disagreement over something related to it is unfortunate.

You are asking me to speculate what could have happened and I can do my best giving you possible scenarios but until he talks to you or you decide to let it go and move on there’s really no knowing what the truth of the matter is.

  1. He’s still punishing you and waiting for you to come groveling back for forgiveness.
  2. He’s decided that he doesn’t want to be with you anymore and has taken the lame way out and just severed contact.
  3. He has a wife or girlfriend and you're wanting to talk to him while he was injured has revealed that you were his secret affair. He’s stopped talking to you because he got caught.
  4. He doesn’t have as much experience as he let on and once you wanted more than he wanted to give he disappeared.
  5. Something else entirely that I can’t guess.

You might appreciate the article I did recently on  disappearing online Dominants.

Are there any protocols? No. Just because you identify as submissive and he as a Dominant does not negate the use of common sense and “normal” dating rules. He’s a guy and you are a girl. Would you put up with this if it weren’t for the Dom identity?

I hope you’ve found an answer by now and if now, moved on. Because waiting for communication is the worst feeling and you are definitely worth more.