I was just wondering if it okay to feel almost addicted to your Dom? Like when my Dom is away for too long I feel sad and lonely, but if He is gone for a day or two I get really depressed not being able to be near Him. The feelings I have for Him is almost as if I am addicted to Him. Not sure if this is normal, and not sure how to explain how I feel inside, but I feel like everything revolves around Him and I completely and fully want to give myself to Him in all ways. I never felt so strongly about previous Doms so it is new to me. I think of Him constantly and cannot seem to focus without Him. Is this normal when you finally find "The One"? Like I said, I have never felt this way for anyone else.

Dear Addicted,

Congrats on your intense love and joy in your relationship. You've learned to connect with someone so powerfully that you are feeling withdrawals when apart. It's likely he's feeling a similar response if the feelings are mutual. Love is a drug. The neurochemistry of romance/relationships might be interesting to read about but what is happening for you is basically Oxytocin/Dopamine/PEA withdrawal. The power of lust and love can do crazy things to a person's emotional balance. It causes obsession, frenzy, anxiety, and stress when you are apart from someone you feel strongly for.

Don't blame yourself for feeling this way. Things that help:

  • Use artificial brain crutches. Make detailed to-do lists, and don't be ashamed to put basic stuff like EAT LUNCH on them. Completing things on your to-do list and being productive can provide anĀ alternate source of Dopamine: download a to-do list app like Remember the Milk, or adorn blank index cards with little black ink circles to color in as you accomplish each micro-task, where the number of circles = dollar value of the self-indulgent reward. Keeping yourself busy will help you keep your mind off of the separation anxiety.
  • Look for physical affection. Cuddle a furbaby. If you're petless, head to your nearest animal shelter and snuggle something. Consider volunteering, or ask if you can 'foster', i.e. bring home a snuggly critter who needs a break from the shelter. Or slip into safe sources of human contact -- get your hair or nails done or splurge on a massage.
  • Create your individually-sized escape pod. Having trouble sleeping? Hot milk & honey, and a fantasy novel (insert your preferred beverage & literary vice here). Go to sleep wearing the shirt you stole from him, or otherwise indulge in something that you wouldn't normally do like that pint of ice cream, a movie night or a fancy dinner somewhere.

You may also want to talk about your anxiety when you are apart. It may have a simpler solution of increasing the contact while separated to a level that keeps your withdrawal at a level you both can manage. Communication is a really good way to reduce the anxiety of being apart.

I wish you luck and peace,