I really don't know where to start. I am really confused & I don't know what to do. My Master hasn't been that 'masterful'. I have been His sub for almost 5 years. Even when things seem okay. He is constantly in the negative. He is not tending to His personal affairs at all & is under quite a bit of self-imposed, weight. Yet, some of, a lot of His frustration with His self is coming out on me. Not physically, in 'any' way, but constant complaints, etc. I realize this isn't easy for you to understand. But I need your guidance on what to do. I don't care to leave Him. Ever. I have committed myself to Him so long as W/we live. I live in His house. I have my own room, which I love. However, I feel so lonely, neglected, etc. What can I do? He says I am impertinent, impetuous, & insolent. Yet, I feel like He wants me to Dom myself. I hope you can help.

Let me first start out by saying I'm probably going to have to make a lot of guesses on your situation and they are not meant to offend or assume anything. You just haven't given me a lot to go on.

It sounds to me that he has a lot going on in his life and he's perhaps experiencing a lot of stress and frustration separate from you and your relationship. He isn't processing it well and is letting things go as far as the dynamic is concerned and with his life in general. It's a fact that some people just can't handle stress and uncontrollable situations. I do have to admit that it's not a good sign if he's not able to take some responsibility for his personal life that it will show in his relationships too. It's very likely that he's depressed and needs not only your compassion but medical help.

I'm not surprised that he's beginning to treat you anything but as his submissive. So what do you do? Well, you learn about what is causing him so much stress and offer to help him with a solution. I don't know what you have done as far as communication to him with how you feel his instability is affecting you and your relationship. Since you have said you are committed to staying in this relationship no matter what you have only 2 courses of action that I can see.

1. Get him some help. You are his partner and should have some say in how he cares for himself and you. He needs support and assistance to learn how to handle the current stress and frustration of his life. He may also need to reprioritize his life and lesson the self-imposed weight he is carrying. Therapy, medication, and reduction of stress can help him with his issues if he allows them to do so.

2. Learn to do things for yourself, make friendships to reduce your loneliness, accept that he will continue to treat you poorly and put up with his verbal abuse. Retreat from the relationship and watch him implode on his life.

That's really it. You get him the help he needs or you don't. I don't think that you can fix his problems on your own and I don't think you should try. It may be time for an intervention. If he's already well aware of his problems and refuses your assistance then I feel he's already abandoned all responsibility to the relationship and you.  It is then time for you to take personal responsibility for yourself to protect yourself and make sure that you are going to live in this situation.

I wish you the best,

--lunaKM