Ask Submissive Guide Anything

Short answer: no. And the kinky person shouldn’t expect you to.  In any healthy relationship, whether kinky or not, communication, respect, and mutual understanding are key. If one partner has specific needs or desires, the other person needs to be open to listening and discussing them, even if they don’t...

Full Question: Can two BDSM submissives have a regular vanilla relationship? What happens as the couple grows closer, and one person wants the other to change to a Top/Dom? Answer: Let’s start by saying there is no “normal relationship.” Can two submissives have a successful vanilla relationship together? The answer...

Full Question: I’ve been with Master for almost 9 months, and although I love our relationship, I feel there is a disconnect with my submission. Recently, I’ve been acting out and just messing up. It’s not all a conscious decision; I just do some of it without thought or plan....

Full Question: I’ve identified as a masochist for a fair bit now, but I have recently discovered that I can’t handle as much as I used to. I’m just wondering, can someone who once enjoyed pain not enjoy it as much anymore?  Answer: It’s absolutely possible for a masochist’s tolerance...

Full Question: I want to be submissive sexually but equal in day-to-day life. How to find a partner? Answer: The term you’re likely going to be using more readily while you search for a partner is “bedroom-only” submissive. And your partner would then be a “bedroom-only” Dominant. This type of...

Full Question: Do you have any advice for someone already in a committed relationship (marriage, for example) who discovers that she is submissive or at least has submissive tendencies? Until this discovery, the sex was mostly vanilla with very light choking play occasionally (so my partner MIGHT have some interest)....

Full Question: I like to be a brat sometimes. Is that a turn-off for the Doms in general? A lot of them don’t like brats. Answer: Being a brat in the BDSM community is a unique and valid role within the spectrum of submission. It’s not a turn-off for all...

Full Question: In a polyamorous D/s dynamic, can play partners be a primary partner? Or should it be someone who is serving the Dominant? Answer: In a polyamorous D/s dynamic, the roles and relationships can be quite fluid and are often defined by the individuals involved based on their needs,...

Full Question: What are some ways to satisfy your need to submit if you aren’t with a Dominant? Answer:  I do believe that you can feel submissive without a Dominant, but it’s not easy. There are things you can do to help focus submissive energy in almost everything you do....

Full Question: Everything is distracting. What can I do to help me focus on my submission and scene time? Answer:  Distractions can be a challenge, but with some mindful strategies, you can improve your concentration and presence. Here’s some advice to help you stay centered and connected no matter what’s...