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Latest from Ask SubGuide

How do I find a bedroom-only Dominant?

Full Question: I want to be submissive sexually but equal in day-to-day life. How to find a partner? Answer: The term you’re likely going to be using more readily while you search for a partner is “bedroom-only” submissive. And your partner would then be a “bedroom-only” Dominant. This type of...

Advice for Newly Discovered Submission in a Committed Relationship

Full Question: Do you have any advice for someone already in a committed relationship (marriage, for example) who discovers that she is submissive or at least has submissive tendencies? Until this discovery, the sex was mostly vanilla with very light choking play occasionally (so my partner MIGHT have some interest)....

Is being a brat a turn off for Dominants?

Full Question: I like to be a brat sometimes. Is that a turn-off for the Doms in general? A lot of them don’t like brats. Answer: Being a brat in the BDSM community is a unique and valid role within the spectrum of submission. It’s not a turn-off for all...

What role is a primary partner in poly D/s?

Full Question: In a polyamorous D/s dynamic, can play partners be a primary partner? Or should it be someone who is serving the Dominant? Answer: In a polyamorous D/s dynamic, the roles and relationships can be quite fluid and are often defined by the individuals involved based on their needs,...

What are some ways to satisfy your need to submit if you aren’t with a Dominant?

Full Question: What are some ways to satisfy your need to submit if you aren’t with a Dominant? Answer: I do believe that you can feel submissive without a Dominant, but it’s not easy. There are things you can do to help focus submissive energy in almost everything you do....

What can I do to help me focus on my submission and scene time?

Full Question: Everything is distracting. What can I do to help me focus on my submission and scene time? Answer: Distractions can be a challenge, but with some mindful strategies, you can improve your concentration and presence. Here’s some advice to help you stay centered and connected no matter what’s...

Do the Dominant’s desires and satisfaction come first?

Full Question: Do the Dominant’s desires and satisfaction come first? Are their needs and desires the main goal of submission? Answer: I can really relate to this question. When I first started exploring submission, I believed that it was my duty/calling/job to make sure my Dominant’s needs and desires were...

Is a 4 to 5-hour first play session ideal?

Full Question: Hello, I am relatively new to the lifestyle at 50 and have been in contact with my Dominant for about 1 year, mainly through messaging and calls. We have met in real life once before. We have arranged to meet for a play in a few weeks. My...

How do you handle a 24/7 D/s relationship breakup?

Full Question: How do you handle a 24/7 D/s relationship breakup? Answer: A breakup is hard, no matter what kind of relationship you were in. You’ve invested time and emotions to build what you hoped would be a lasting relationship, only for it to end. The end of a D/s...

As a follower, how can you help your partner lead without doing the leading?

Full Question: What advice do you have for subs who are more experienced than their counterparts? How can you, as a follower, help them lead without doing the leading? Answer: What an exciting experience! It’s common for one partner to have more experience than the other. There are a few...