Topping from the bottom is a feared act for novice submissives because it holds a negative connotation that the person is somehow not submissive if they top from the bottom. It’s often whispered and sometimes screamed about in all of the online forums dealing with BDSM, and most of them talk about it with disdain, […]
The Truth About Topping from the Bottom Read More »
Everyone started here at some point or another. You may even be at this point right now. Brand new to BDSM, D/s or both and not sure what you would like in a relationship, the bedroom, with kink…. anything. And then you meet people online or face to face that asks you right off the
How Do I Know What I Like? I’m Brand New Read More »
One thing I have learned from my experience as a submissive and my encounters with submissives and slaves all over the place has been the importance of taking things slowly. At one time or another, we all tend to rashly jump into a D/s relationship without really knowing the Dominant that we are surrendering to.
The Importance of Taking Your Time Exploring Submission Before Starting a Relationship Read More »
It’s been awhile since I’ve done a refresher on the basics of BDSM. If you are just finding this site, I hope that the wealth of information you see will help you understand yourself and the world in which you are curious. For novices, the word BDSM is a huge scary word. For the experienced,
What Is BDSM All About? Read More »
As a submissive, one of the first things you will be asked by almost every Dominant is: what are your limits? You will encounter this sometimes in chat, in play, and when negotiating a relationship with a new Dominant. If you are playing with a new Dominant and aren’t asked this question, my advice is
Hard and Soft Limits? The Sooner You Know About Them The Better Read More »
Everyone has to start here. The very beginning, where all the jargon of BDSM starts to fill your mind and overwhelm your feelings. You think you are a pervert, or not normal. You could even be trying to suppress those kinky thoughts from your mind. But they keep creeping back in, don’t they. For the brave souls that start searching for
Those First Few Baby Steps into BDSM and Submission Read More »
UPDATE: New Post – How to Use FetLife Just under 3 years ago the BDSM community was a very differnet place. There has always been discussion boards and chat rooms. We could always connect via mySpace and Facebook, but there was never a centralized social network. Until FetLife came into being. I joined the site when
What FetLife Has Done To Change The Kink Community Read More »
Not everyone is capable of being submissive. It is even possible that you are not really cut out for it. We all have different thresholds for what we can and can’t do, but realizing we can’t be submissive isn’t the end of the world. Great, so how do you know if you can be submissive
Are You Cut Out to Be Submissive? Read More »
Being in the BDSM community for any length of time you are likely to come across the common sermons of SSC, Safe Calls, and First Meeting Safety. When you are a novice in BDSM I’d encourage you to listen to these sermons and listen hard; they could protect you as you venture out into the
Why Safety is Preached to Novices and Why It’s Important to Know Anyway Read More »
u that you deserve punishment for a wide variety of real and imagined offenses. They do not use appropriate levels of discipline, so the punishment does not fit the crime. It is never part of a consensual power exchange, and offenses are not forgiven after the discipline. There is a constant reminder of your ‘failure’.
Run Don’t Walk: Warning Signs of a Predator Dom/me Part 2 Read More »
Part 1: Information Please! If you’re a new submissive this lifestyle may seem overwhelming at first. A submissive I know terms it ‘the new submissive smell’. Dom/mes sense ‘new blood’, and swarm like piranhas to interact with, play with or train the new submissive in the group. Dom/mes may contact you online or meet you
Run Don’t Walk: Warning Signs of A Predator Dom/me Part 1 Read More »
This is a response to the following request for advice: I have a Dom, and He loves me. But the things is, sometimes he act as my “boyfriend” then he acts as my Master. I am having trouble dealing with the fact that he wants that Master and sub relationship as my utmost and foremost
Understanding a D/s Relationship as a Newbie Submissive Read More »
BDSM checklists are often one of the first things you hear about when you begin your journey into BDSM and submission. Looking at a complex checklist you found on www.onewaytodobdsm.com (not a real site) can have you obsess over every term you don’t know. I’ve even written about checklists several times on SubmissiveGuide.com. But when it comes
What’s The Big Deal With BDSM Checklists? Read More »
Every submissive goes though it. You may be going through it now. Those butterflies in your stomach because you’ve just set a date for your first play session. Things are still so new and exciting. You don’t know what to expect or how you will react to things. It’s all so strange and foreign feeling.
First Playtime Jitters and How to Arrive Prepared Read More »
This is a guest post by The Beginner. I am very much aware of how mild and tame the following post is. This isn’t an account of extreme BDSM. It isn’t an account of me becoming a slave, or what I would consider myself becoming a full on sub. It is simply a retelling of
The Beginner at Play: A Novice’s First Experience in BDSM Read More »
This post was written by Rayne. You can follow her twitter for active and interesting conversation. I’m pretty big on book definitions. So for me, the word “submissive” has always been an adjective describing a personality trait. When I got involved in BDSM, it became, for me, a heading, of sorts, describing a group of people. Under
Submissive and Slave: A Personal View Read More »
When you’re a brand new BDSM submissive, it can be hard to find information to answer the many questions in your mind. To help you, I’ve gathered seven of the best books to help get you started on your exploration of BDSM and the submissive role. These books offer a range of opinions and viewpoints
Seven Books I Recommend for Novice Submissives Read More »
One of the first questions a new submissive asks themselves is are they normal for desiring the things they do. This could be kinky sex, humiliation or service. Anything that appears to fall outside the vanilla umbrella can cause a novice to question if they are normal. This, in fact, is normal. Everyone questions themselves
Am I Normal? Exploring Normalcy in BDSM Relationships Read More »
There are mentors in every area of life and situation. In BDSM, newbies are sometimes recommended to pick up a mentor but are never given the tools to find a mentor that is right for them. I know that when I first started, there were good people to be around and not-so-great people that left
4 Things to Look for in a BDSM Mentor Read More »
