Consent and Negotiation are probably something that we think about but don’t really acknowledge daily. It is important none the less to think about and address in a Dominant/submissive relationship. Why? There are many reasons but the most important one is being safe not only with your partner but more importantly with yourself. Consent is
The Importance of Consent in D/s Negotiation Read More »
Hi, my name is Laney and I am a hug slut. I admit it, I love a good hug. As such, imagine how hard it was for me, entering the world of BDSM where a hug in greeting is not always possible. At my dungeon, like all dungeons, we have a set of rules that
To Hug or Not To Hug: Etiquette for Giving Hugs in BDSM Situations Read More »
Every semester I present a BDSM panel at my alma mater for the Human Sexuality class. I’ve been doing it for almost 8 years now and it doesn’t appear to be ending any time soon. The teacher always asks for me to pull some people together and says that he gets a lot of excellent
Talking About BDSM to Vanilla Folk: What to Say and What to Avoid Read More »
I’m still amazed at how many novices on FetLife and in my inbox ask me how to talk to their Dominant to ask for what they want or need. Others fail at open communication at all or have had issues with their Dominant because they are keeping things from them. I don’t know about you,
How to Talk to Your Dominant About Your Needs and Desires While Submissive Read More »
Essentially I think we all believe that Dominant/submissive is an exchange of power but when you talk about it with others there happens to be two schools of thought on it. It can really get confusing because each side believes they are right. I’d like to present to you the two ideas and let you
Who Really Has the Power in a D/s Relationship? Read More »
I’ve been putting this subject off, and I’m still sort of waffling on moving on to something else, but that’s mostly because, I’m not a legal professional, either. On this topic, in particular, I can only speak to my opinion, experience, and tenuous understanding of the law in New York State, and really don’t know
Kink and Mental Health: The Ethics and Legality of Consent Read More »
This is a guest post by Darkrose. BDSM relationships make the argument on abuse much more complicated than it already is, and those in TPE relationship have an even harder time than that. For non-kinky people it’s pretty easy to define abuse. Webster’s Dictionary defines abuse as “improper use or handling, misuse, physical maltreatment, insulting
The Abuse Debate: A Matter of Acceptance Not Consent Read More »
Being in the BDSM community for any length of time you are likely to come across the common sermons of SSC, Safe Calls, and First Meeting Safety. When you are a novice in BDSM I’d encourage you to listen to these sermons and listen hard; they could protect you as you venture out into the
Why Safety is Preached to Novices and Why It’s Important to Know Anyway Read More »
This is a guest post by Beth, as she will tell you, she’s a 24/7 slave of 2 years and would like to express what she sees as the differences between sub and slave. If you would like to read Rayne’s opinion, you can do so on this post. First off I would like to introduce myself.
Sub v. Slave: A Second Opinion Read More »
I’ve always believed that safewords are only good if you know how to use them. Good ole communication is great for things like numb limbs, an itch you can’t reach or a bathroom break. Submissive Guide is here for novices and it’s always good to teach about safewords and recommend that you have one. In
The Safety Disguise of Safewords: Safewords Are Not Always Safe Read More »
A check in is where either partner provides clues as to their comfort, pain tolerance, pleasure level or other information during a scene or play session. Even the most experienced players continue to check in with their partners during play; it is a good practice to have. Whether you are playing with your partner or
How to Use Playtime Check Ins Wisely Read More »
I’m a masochist and get sexual pleasure from pain; that’s wired into me. I’m also submissive. It’s who I am. For me, these two things go together. It’s not always the case. A huge misunderstanding is that you have to like pain to be submissive. Masochism is a part of your sexual identity; you either
Do I have to Like Pain to be Submissive? Read More »
