Question: I’ve been a voracious reader of BDSM and D/S erotic novels for years and am not sure if I enjoy it just as entertainment or because I feel like something might be missing from my life. How do you know if you are a submissive, and if you think you might be, how do […]
Question: Is there ever a time when it’s ok to tell your Dominant no when he tells you to do something? Answer: Absolutely. While submission involves obedience and trust, it doesn’t mean blind compliance. There are several situations where saying “no” is not only acceptable but necessary: A healthy D/s dynamic is built on mutual
Is it ever okay to say no to your Dominant? Read More »
Full Question: During my research on Submissive Guide, I’ve learned about personal protocol. I don’t have a dom currently and am looking to understand more about punishments and rewards for personal protocol. What kinds of punishments and rewards do you implement into your personal protocol, or would you recommend for a sub without a dom?
Short answer: no. And the kinky person shouldn’t expect you to. In any healthy relationship, whether kinky or not, communication, respect, and mutual understanding are key. If one partner has specific needs or desires, the other person needs to be open to listening and discussing them, even if they don’t share those interests. However, this
Full Question: Can two BDSM submissives have a regular vanilla relationship? What happens as the couple grows closer, and one person wants the other to change to a Top/Dom? Answer: Let’s start by saying there is no “normal relationship.” Can two submissives have a successful vanilla relationship together? The answer is “yes, two people can
Can Two Submissives Have a Relationship? Read More »
Full Question: I’ve been with Master for almost 9 months, and although I love our relationship, I feel there is a disconnect with my submission. Recently, I’ve been acting out and just messing up. It’s not all a conscious decision; I just do some of it without thought or plan. I don’t know how to
How Do I Reconnect with My Submission When I Feel Disconnected? Read More »
Full Question: I’ve identified as a masochist for a fair bit now, but I have recently discovered that I can’t handle as much as I used to. I’m just wondering, can someone who once enjoyed pain not enjoy it as much anymore? Answer: It’s absolutely possible for a masochist’s tolerance or preference for pain to
Can you have different tolerances to pain over time? Read More »
Full Question: I want to be submissive sexually but equal in day-to-day life. How to find a partner? Answer: The term you’re likely going to be using more readily while you search for a partner is “bedroom-only” submissive. And your partner would then be a “bedroom-only” Dominant. This type of relationship is more common than
How do I find a bedroom-only Dominant? Read More »
Full Question: Do you have any advice for someone already in a committed relationship (marriage, for example) who discovers that she is submissive or at least has submissive tendencies? Until this discovery, the sex was mostly vanilla with very light choking play occasionally (so my partner MIGHT have some interest). Answer: I have lived this
Advice for Newly Discovered Submission in a Committed Relationship Read More »
Full Question: I like to be a brat sometimes. Is that a turn-off for the Doms in general? A lot of them don’t like brats. Answer: Being a brat in the BDSM community is a unique and valid role within the spectrum of submission. It’s not a turn-off for all Dominants; in fact, many Doms
Is being a brat a turn off for Dominants? Read More »
Full Question: In a polyamorous D/s dynamic, can play partners be a primary partner? Or should it be someone who is serving the Dominant? Answer: In a polyamorous D/s dynamic, the roles and relationships can be quite fluid and are often defined by the individuals involved based on their needs, desires, and agreements. Play partners
What role is a primary partner in poly D/s? Read More »
Full Question: What are some ways to satisfy your need to submit if you aren’t with a Dominant? Answer: I do believe that you can feel submissive without a Dominant, but it’s not easy. There are things you can do to help focus submissive energy in almost everything you do. First, there is no direct
What are some ways to satisfy your need to submit if you aren’t with a Dominant? Read More »
Full Question: Everything is distracting. What can I do to help me focus on my submission and scene time? Answer: Distractions can be a challenge, but with some mindful strategies, you can improve your concentration and presence. Here’s some advice to help you stay centered and connected no matter what’s going on around you: Mind
What can I do to help me focus on my submission and scene time? Read More »
Full Question: Do the Dominant’s desires and satisfaction come first? Are their needs and desires the main goal of submission? Answer: I can really relate to this question. When I first started exploring submission, I believed that it was my duty/calling/job to make sure my Dominant’s needs and desires were always fulfilled, often to the
Do the Dominant’s desires and satisfaction come first? Read More »
Full Question: Hello, I am relatively new to the lifestyle at 50 and have been in contact with my Dominant for about 1 year, mainly through messaging and calls. We have met in real life once before. We have arranged to meet for a play in a few weeks. My Dom has suggested a time
Is a 4 to 5-hour first play session ideal? Read More »
Full Question: How do you handle a 24/7 D/s relationship breakup? Answer: A breakup is hard, no matter what kind of relationship you were in. You’ve invested time and emotions to build what you hoped would be a lasting relationship, only for it to end. The end of a D/s relationship comes with all the
How do you handle a 24/7 D/s relationship breakup? Read More »
Full Question: What advice do you have for subs who are more experienced than their counterparts? How can you, as a follower, help them lead without doing the leading? Answer: What an exciting experience! It’s common for one partner to have more experience than the other. There are a few things you can do to
As a follower, how can you help your partner lead without doing the leading? Read More »
Full Question: Can you talk about the difference between a unicorn and being a partner in a throuple where 2 partners are married? Oh, and while I am at it, tips for successful throuples! Relationship Agreements, communication, etc Answer: What a great question! Unicorn polyamory is the term for when two people who are in
What’s the difference between unicorn polyamory and a being in a throuple? Read More »
Full Question: How do I know if I’m a Switch or just a brat? Because I know I enjoy being dominated, but the other part is what confused me. I’m confused if what I thought of as ‘enjoy to dominate’ is just me being a brat. There are times that I do like having control,
How do I know if I’m a Switch or just a brat? Read More »
Full Question: Ending a dynamic as a sub feels SO hard. The desire to please is so strong. Help? Answer: Breaking free from a relationship not serving you is hard, no matter how you identify. As a submissive, you may have a high inclination to submit to the person you no longer want to be
How do you end a dynamic as a submissive? Read More »
