Question: How do you bring up wanting to escalate your relationship with your current play partner into a full dynamic? We have both expressed interest, but no concrete discussion has taken place. Answer: This is such a great question, because many of us find ourselves here at some point. Play partners can be wonderful, but […]
Question: Why is it called serving a Dominant? I don’t like that kind of phrasing and insinuation that I am somehow below the Dominant. Answer: It’s completely understandable that the word “serve” can rub you the wrong way. In everyday life, “service” often gets tangled up with ideas of being lesser, having lower status, or
Ask Subguide – Why is it called serving a Dominant? Read More »
The original question comes from a male Dominant/female submissive context, and the response reflects that framing. That said, the topic is relevant to D/s dynamics of all kinds, regardless of gender. “Fair” is such a complicated concept. “Fair” seems like a measurable emotion, like something to feel- a pea underneath the mattress where you know
Is it fair for a Dom to not let a sub talk to other men, but have multiple subs himself? Read More »
How long should you chat with a Dom online before meeting? A week is a fair start, but don’t stay stuck in endless texting. Learn when it’s time to suggest a coffee date, what their response can reveal, and how to spot if they’re serious—or just stringing you along.
How long should I talk with a Dom online before a face to face date? Read More »
Question: How would you express changes in your feelings over poly to your Master, when the second sub he is considering you do not like her, without losing your relationship with him? Answer: When we’re in a power exchange relationship, especially a poly one, expressing hard feelings can feel like walking a tightrope. What if
This may be easier than you think, dear s-type! It is important to remember that finding the right Dominant or Top through dating or shopping around can sometimes feel challenging. I liken the vanilla dating pool to a bowl of cereal. Lots of individual options floating around. Now take a spoonful out and in there-
I want to be sexually submissive, but equal in day-to-day life. How to find a partner? Read More »
Absolutely—yes. And honestly, most people are. It’s easy to think we have to choose just one kind of submissive to be: service sub, brat, pet, slave, babygirl, rope bunny. The list of labels goes on, and while those identities can help us understand ourselves and communicate with partners, they’re not rigid boxes we have to
Can you be a blend of different submissives? Read More »
Question: I am just starting out on my sub journey. I know very little. That being said, I have learnt loads in the last few weeks. I have met a Dom, and we’ve been chatting, etc., and he’s been amazing answering all my questions. He is a sadist. We’ve just touched on punishment and he
What should I be thinking about when learning about punishment? Read More »
Question: Can you please do a post naming the different types of Dominants? There are so many different types, so there’s a great deal of curiosity. Answer: It is important to break this down into each side of the slash, so here are the general descriptions for some of the more common Dominant types. (Disclaimer:
What are the different types of Dominants? Read More »
Yes—absolutely, 100%, without a doubt—you need boundaries. With your Dominant. With your friends. With everyone you have a relationship with. A common misconception in BDSM is that safewords replace the need for boundaries. But the truth is, boundaries and safewords serve very different purposes, and both are necessary. Boundaries are personal. They’re your internal compass—what
Should you have boundaries with your Dominant, besides safe words? Read More »
The “princess submissive” is a unique archetype in the D/s world—graceful, playful, and full of charm. She (or they) brings a sense of elegance and fantasy into submission, blending soft vulnerability with a desire for attention, care, and adoration. A princess submissive isn’t just about being spoiled. It’s about being cherished. These subs thrive on
What is a princess submissive? Read More »
I think it is important to break this down into each side of the slash, so here are the general descriptions for some of the more common s-types. (Disclaimer: there is no one right answer/definition, this is based on generalized experience; labels should always be the START of a discussion, not the end of one.
What are the different types of submissives? Read More »
We know submission can be powerful, affirming, and deeply validating—but when you’re carrying the weight of depression or low self-worth, that same vulnerability can feel overwhelming. You’re not alone in this. If you’re not seeing a professional to help improve your mental health, you can find a list of kink-aware therapists at kapprofessionals.org. Navigating play
Do you have tips to navigate play for subs who have depression/low self-esteem? Read More »
Question: I want to do more for my Dom in terms of serving without him asking me. Do you have any ideas? Answer: That’s a wonderful instinct, and it speaks volumes about your desire to deepen your submission and connection. Serving without being asked is often called anticipatory service—and it’s all about tuning into your
Any ideas for Anticipatory Service (I’d like to do more without their asking me)? Read More »
Question: Last week, in the introductory phase, I had a Domme ask me what humiliates me. I hesitated to tell her because it also embarrassed me. Hope that makes sense. I ended up telling her, but it was very uncomfortable. What are your thoughts on this question, and am I obligated to answer this?
Am I obligated to answer questions about what humiliates me if it embarrasses me? Read More »
With so many great BDSM-related podcasts out there, it’s easier than ever to learn, grow, and feel connected to the community. Whether you’re looking for educational deep dives, personal stories, or just good conversations about kink, there’s something for everyone. Here are a few of the podcasts I’m currently listening to: Erotic Awakening Podcast is
What are your favorite BDSM-related podcasts? Read More »
Question: My husband and I are in a D/s relationship. However, I’m the one who runs the house, takes care of the kids, and is always the one “in charge.” How can he and I maintain our dynamic? How do I stay in touch with my submissive side? Answer: Being the one who manages the
How Can I Stay Submissive While Running the Home? Read More »
It is really easy to understand managing vanilla relationships around others (including kids living at home). It boils down to understanding one crucial concept: discretion. Discretion: the quality of behaving or speaking in a way to avoid causing offence or (IMPORTANTLY) revealing confidential information. We can mostly agree that kissing your spouse “bye” in front
Any tips for D/s dynamic with kids at home? Read More »
Question: I’ve been a voracious reader of BDSM and D/S erotic novels for years and am not sure if I enjoy it just as entertainment or because I feel like something might be missing from my life. How do you know if you are a submissive, and if you think you might be, how do
Question: Is there ever a time when it’s ok to tell your Dominant no when he tells you to do something? Answer: Absolutely. While submission involves obedience and trust, it doesn’t mean blind compliance. There are several situations where saying “no” is not only acceptable but necessary: A healthy D/s dynamic is built on mutual
Is it ever okay to say no to your Dominant? Read More »
