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Should you have boundaries with your Dominant, besides safe words?

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Yes—absolutely, 100%, without a doubt—you need boundaries. With your Dominant. With your friends. With everyone you have a relationship with. A common misconception in BDSM is that safewords replace the need for boundaries. But the truth is, boundaries and safewords serve very different purposes, and both are necessary. Boundaries are personal. They’re your internal compass—what […]

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What is a princess submissive?

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The “princess submissive” is a unique archetype in the D/s world—graceful, playful, and full of charm. She (or they) brings a sense of elegance and fantasy into submission, blending soft vulnerability with a desire for attention, care, and adoration. A princess submissive isn’t just about being spoiled. It’s about being cherished. These subs thrive on

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Do you have tips to navigate play for subs who have depression/low self-esteem?

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We know submission can be powerful, affirming, and deeply validating—but when you’re carrying the weight of depression or low self-worth, that same vulnerability can feel overwhelming. You’re not alone in this. If you’re not seeing a professional to help improve your mental health, you can find a list of kink-aware therapists at kapprofessionals.org. Navigating play

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Any ideas for Anticipatory Service (I’d like to do more without their asking me)?

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Question: I want to do more for my Dom in terms of serving without him asking me. Do you have any ideas? Answer: That’s a wonderful instinct, and it speaks volumes about your desire to deepen your submission and connection. Serving without being asked is often called anticipatory service—and it’s all about tuning into your

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Am I obligated to answer questions about what humiliates me if it embarrasses me?

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Question: Last week, in the introductory phase, I had a Domme ask me what humiliates me.  I hesitated to tell her because it also embarrassed me.  Hope that makes sense.   I ended up telling her, but it was very uncomfortable.    What are your thoughts on this question, and am I obligated to answer this?

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What are your favorite BDSM-related podcasts?

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With so many great BDSM-related podcasts out there, it’s easier than ever to learn, grow, and feel connected to the community. Whether you’re looking for educational deep dives, personal stories, or just good conversations about kink, there’s something for everyone. Here are a few of the podcasts I’m currently listening to: Erotic Awakening Podcast is

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Any tips for D/s dynamic with kids at home?

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It is really easy to understand managing vanilla relationships around others (including kids living at home). It boils down to understanding one crucial concept: discretion.  Discretion: the quality of behaving or speaking in a way to avoid causing offence or (IMPORTANTLY) revealing confidential information.  We can mostly agree that kissing your spouse “bye” in front

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How do you know if I’ll enjoy submission if I’ve only been exposed through erotic novels?

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Question: I’ve been a voracious reader of BDSM and D/S erotic novels for years and am not sure if I enjoy it just as entertainment or because I feel like something might be missing from my life.  How do you know if you are a submissive, and if you think you might be, how do

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What kinds of punishments and rewards would you implement into a personal protocol as a single submissive?

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Full Question: During my research on Submissive Guide, I’ve learned about personal protocol. I don’t have a dom currently and am looking to understand more about punishments and rewards for personal protocol. What kinds of punishments and rewards do you implement into your personal protocol, or would you recommend for a sub without a dom? 

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Should the non-kinky person make an effort to accommodate the kinky person’s needs and wants even if they are not interested?

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Short answer: no. And the kinky person shouldn’t expect you to.  In any healthy relationship, whether kinky or not, communication, respect, and mutual understanding are key. If one partner has specific needs or desires, the other person needs to be open to listening and discussing them, even if they don’t share those interests. However, this

Should the non-kinky person make an effort to accommodate the kinky person’s needs and wants even if they are not interested? Read More »

Can Two Submissives Have a Relationship?

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Full Question: Can two BDSM submissives have a regular vanilla relationship? What happens as the couple grows closer, and one person wants the other to change to a Top/Dom? Answer: Let’s start by saying there is no “normal relationship.” Can two submissives have a successful vanilla relationship together? The answer is “yes, two people can

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How Do I Reconnect with My Submission When I Feel Disconnected?

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Full Question: I’ve been with Master for almost 9 months, and although I love our relationship, I feel there is a disconnect with my submission. Recently, I’ve been acting out and just messing up. It’s not all a conscious decision; I just do some of it without thought or plan. I don’t know how to

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Can you have different tolerances to pain over time?

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Full Question: I’ve identified as a masochist for a fair bit now, but I have recently discovered that I can’t handle as much as I used to. I’m just wondering, can someone who once enjoyed pain not enjoy it as much anymore?  Answer: It’s absolutely possible for a masochist’s tolerance or preference for pain to

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Advice for Newly Discovered Submission in a Committed Relationship

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Full Question: Do you have any advice for someone already in a committed relationship (marriage, for example) who discovers that she is submissive or at least has submissive tendencies? Until this discovery, the sex was mostly vanilla with very light choking play occasionally (so my partner MIGHT have some interest). Answer: I have lived this

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