Full Question: It’s hard for me to let go and orgasm when I’m with him because he makes me nervous. But he makes me nervous in a good way! Do you have any advice for this?
Answer:
Feeling overwhelmingly nervous during sex will impact your ability to relax and let go. A million different factors can make reaching orgasm difficult, and the one you’re explaining here is called orgasm anxiety. Common causes of orgasm anxiety are stress about whether orgasm is possible, self-consciousness, fear of disappointing a partner, other relationship issues, and external intrusive anxiety.
You may have orgasm anxiety if you experience any of the following symptoms:
- your body tenses up during sex
- your mind wanders from the experience
- you dread the moment leading up to orgasm
- you feel a sense of overwhelming nervousness
- you experience disassociation between your mind and body
There are ways to learn how to relax and enjoy sex more, which can lead to orgasm. The trick is to find better ways to occupy your brain during sex.
Create Ambiance
Creating a sexual ambiance can help to support sexual response and minimize anxiety. To do this, I recommend:
- lighting candles
- playing sensual music
- playing with soothing aromas
- focusing on pressure, texture, and temperature
Prioritize Pleasure Instead
Take the goal of orgasm off the table. It’s important to remember that orgasm is not required for sex to be pleasurable. If the object of sex can be simply to give and receive pleasure, an orgasm is more likely to occur as a natural by-product.
Fantasize
Actively fantasizing is one of the most effective ways to improve your orgasmic odds. It’s a great way to keep your mind engaged during sex and creates another layer of stimulation. Fantasizing also keeps your mind off the pressure to reach orgasm.
Watch Your Breath
A clear sign that nervousness is robbing you of a great time in the sack is quick and shallow breathing when you’re nowhere near climax. If this happens, actively turn your attention to inhaling and exhaling deeply and slowly—just like you would when meditating. Slowing your breathing will release tension and get you back to feeling all the satisfaction.
I hope this helps!