This is a guest post by Andrew.
How can you find happiness when your owner controls all the money in your relationship? I know this is going to sound corny but—money can’t buy happiness. As long as he or she isn’t driving the two of you into financial ruin by gambling, drinking, etc., then try not to worry about it. Money is power, and taking control of the finances is a way of exerting power over the relationship. However, depending what your situation looks like, and how much your owner micromanages every penny, it may be more difficult than it sounds, especially if you are used to having full control over your money.
The first consideration is: who makes the money? If your owner makes the bulk (if not all) of the money, as mine does, then you don’t really have a right to control it anyway. What if the situation is closer to 50‒50? What if you make most (if not all) of the money!? How do you accept handing over your paycheck with no hope of seeing it again, and becoming entirely dependent on your owner to provide for you?
As long as he or she is adequately fulfilling your needs, then my question is this: Why do you want to control your own money? Are you afraid that you won’t have the ability to leave if you need to? Do you feel uncomfortable giving up control over something so vital to your well-being? Do you just want the freedom to buy what you want without judgment? The answer makes a huge difference.
Unless you feel that you are putting your well-being at unnecessary risk, then I encourage you to take comfort in the idea that giving up power and control to our owners makes us happier than anything money can buy, and the long-term satisfaction is going to be worth more to you than keeping a handle on your wallet. Nobody should give-up control of their finances to somebody they don’t trust, but if that is the case, then you may want to re-evaluate your relationship.
The second consideration is: how much does your owner micromanage the money? Are you given an allowance? Are you permitted to make minor purchases without question? Can you buy groceries and other household items as you choose? Are you required to get permission for every purchase, no matter how insignificant? Do you have to hand over receipts? Does he or she have access to your bank accounts and credit cards?
If your owner interrogates you over every penny—ask yourself why, or ask them if you need to. Are the finances tight? Are they doing it to make sure you have what you need, or are they simply trying to belittle you, to demonstrate their power by making you ask for every can of soda or new pair of socks? Are you ok with their motivations? If you aren’t, then talk to them about it. Communication is the foundation of every relationship, including D/s. You should never feel ashamed to tell your owner that you have a concern.
I don’t have a silver bullet that can turn your anxiety into bliss if you are having trouble accepting your owner’s control of the finances. All I can do is to offer you a few pieces of advice. First, talk to them. You should do this with all your concerns, financial or otherwise. Think about the questions I’ve asked, and carefully consider your specific situation; you don’t want to waste their time, or make yourself seem foolish.
Second, if you think there is a real problem beyond your own anxiety, and that your owner is not being responsible with your money, then you need to put your foot down. Don’t let yourself be abused. If possible, suggest that he or she may need help managing the money. Don’t directly ask to manage it yourself, which presumes that you are superior, or that you regret giving them control. Remember, the problem is mismanagement, not your lack of control.
Lastly, understand that submission requires sacrifice and that pleasing your owner sometimes involves doing things we are uncomfortable with.
Andrew is a submissive man who is married to his owner and Mistress. We have a young son, and he is currently a stay-at-home father and house slave. He enjoys writing about topics of submission and FemDom erotica.