Full Question: Thoughts on lending out a sub? Feels unethical to me.
Answer:
My personal thoughts on sub-lending are not important to this question, but it did bring a few thoughts to mind that I wanted to cover.
The line we often don’t like to cross, which is frowned upon in mainstream culture, is the ownership of others, and it’s why the idea of lending out a sub might feel inappropriate or unethical to some. Maybe even you. But a lot of D/s couples lean into the ownership thing, that possession of someone else is favorable to them, preferred even. If negotiated, it could include being lent out, like borrowing your neighbor’s mower.
First, just like any other activity we do in BDSM and D/s relationships, we make consensual choices. Everyone has the right to pick and choose the activities and dynamics that work best for them and make them happy. They also have the right to say no and to set personal boundaries.
Sub-lending is a kink. As a kink, the people involved agree on ground rules and boundaries to make their fantasies come true. There are many reasons people enjoy being lent out to others, just as there are people who enjoy lending out their partners.
Also, it’s a form of ethical non-monogamy. Dynamics that have an element of lending include Hotwife and hot husband, cuckold, and cuckqueen, and some Owner/property and Consensual Non-consent relationships include loaning subs out.
You don’t have to like every kink you hear about, but you should try to accept that some people enjoy it, and that’s what works for them. It is where we get the saying, Your Kink Is Not My Kink, and That’s Okay.
The important thing to remember is it’s consensual. The parties involved agree to participate and have an active role in playing out the desires and kinks involved.
You don’t have to like all kinks, so if it feels unethical to you, don’t do it.