Full Question: I’m a sub, and my wife is an amazing Domme, but she prefers not to do scenes as often as I would like. Is it unheard of to have a regular Domme that isn’t your partner? I feel like I need this more than she does, and to have an outlet to sub once or twice a week would be a dream.
Answer:
That’s a tough situation to be in. What has she said about the situation? Is she willing to compromise a bit to provide for your needs?
There might be alternatives that don’t have to include other people. Perhaps having smaller “scenes” throughout your day or things that are a bit more hands-off from the Dominant would still feed your needs without the taxing nature of a scene. Daily sexy or kinky tasks to do can help to fill those voids.
Is having an open relationship a possibility you’ve discussed? And not only relationships, but D/s dynamics or even just play? Can you have playtime with others without a relationship? Knowing the answers to these questions can help you find a way forward.
Local communities often have play parties that you can attend and play with people that are looking for extra fun just like you. Casual play is like casual sex for some people, so if you’re thinking that might be an avenue, talk with your partner.
Having more than one partner isn’t as uncommon as it seems. Having more than one Dominant partner isn’t unheard of, but it’s complicated waters to try and navigate. It would require both Dominants to communicate so that requests, rules, orders, and playtime don’t conflict. If it’s just a Top/bottom play relationship, communicating what activities are reserved and what’s allowed is important. If she is open to it, that honest communication should be wide open, and having established limits and boundaries will go a long way to both of you getting what you need in this.
While the idea of having another partner to get the play you need is not uncommon, if your primary partner isn’t open to it, there’s really no way to make that happen consensually. Face the incompatibility and decide what’s best for the relationship. This isn’t easy to ask, but will you be happy if things remain as they are?