Full Question: Can the Dominant take control over ALL my life, even if I don’t want this? We are not in a 24/7 dynamic, it’s too much and they ask things I don’t wanna do.
Answer:
The simple answer here is no, a Dominant can not take control of anything that you’ve not negotiated beforehand. Any relationship, and especially D/s ones require a lot of negotiation and conversation for them to function well. It sounds like you haven’t had nearly enough negotiation to have a clear understanding of what you will and won’t surrender to your partner.
What is Negotiation?
At its most basic it’s a conversation about what you and your chosen partner want: what you want to do to each other; how much control is being exchanged, what things are off-limits, where each of your boundaries is and so much more. You should never feel like you don’t know what you can and can’t expect from each other, because that’s what conversations and negotiations are all about. If you have a question about a particular situation, sit down and talk about it.
Limits and Personal Boundaries
Everyone has limits and personal boundaries. Limits exist to mark the boundaries of a consensual activity. With a D/s relationship, it is important to know what your limits and boundaries are so that you can create a healthy, functioning dynamic and one that is mutually beneficial.
If you are negotiating with someone that has far too many desires for things outside your limits, they may not be compatible with you. Finding someone that aligns with your desires and goals is key to a successful relationship.
What If They Cross Your Limits?
You should not feel pressured to go beyond your limits or to lift boundaries that you have established. While experienced partners can decide to push on limits a bit, this is done consensually with the full knowledge that the limit may not move. But, if someone is constantly pushing you to do something you do not want to do and have told them you will not submit to, they are not respecting your limits and worse, can be dangerous.
Be firm with potential partners and make it clear that you have things you are not willing to surrender to their control. Uphold them to that agreement. A good partner will respect your limits and stay within them.