As a submissive who has to interact with the outside world whether that’s work, family, or going to the grocery store, you already know that it can be hard to switch back and forth between roles and expectations. Frankly, after a long week of being my vanilla self, I’m exhausted, cranky, and usually feeling not-so-submissive. As a babygirl, a temper tantrum isn’t far away – mine, not the kids.
When you’re a parent, the switch between roles is more frequent and, in my opinion, more exhausting. It’s important to realize, though, that it’s normal, and with a few tips and tricks, you can handle the transitions between submissive life and parenting life.
Parenting Mode
One moment I’m speaking sweetly and softly to my Dominant, John Brownstone, and the next I’m yelling, “Get off your brother right now. Do not sit on his head!” or “Don’t you talk back to me!” The first time John Brownstone heard me switch like that, I think he wondered who the crazy lady was and where I got such a deep, mean voice. Years of parenting rowdy kids will do that to you.
In nearly everything, as his submissive in a 24/7 D/s relationship, I defer to him. In a public setting (where I can’t be obvious), I’ll look for a nod or a shake of his head. With the kids, we’ve learned to talk with our eyes. However, when I have to go into “Mom mode,” all bets are off. I don’t countermand him in front of the kids – that’s a good parenting tip whether you’re kinky or vanilla – but I will take over.
I’ve said things like, “I don’t care what anyone says. You will or you can go to your room. Do what I say or deal with the consequences.” Doesn’t sound very submissive, does it? It’s not. Because while I’m submissive to my partner, being a parent requires a completely different role.
Transitioning to My Submissive Role
We are always submissive even if we’re not acting that way. No matter what’s going on, I’m always John Brownstone’s submissive. Always. I may have to be the boss in my career or make decisions as a mom, but his expectations, my rules, and our relationship are always there. Nearly every action I take is with this in mind.
But none of that matters when you’ve had a long day of chasing kids, running errands, helping with homework, sending someone to their room, and arguing about why broccoli is the worst vegetable ever. I’m not proud of the moments when I talk back, act a little too sassy, or really don’t feel like doing my tasks. He knows that a long day as “Mom” wears me out, so we find ways to transition.
Here are a few things we do that you can use in your own relationship:
- A nightly ritual after the kids are in bed. For us, I kneel at his feet to give him his coffee and dessert.
- Stolen moments when the kids aren’t looking. A quick pull of my hair or a smack on my ass usually reminds me who I belong to.
- Small doses of kink before bed. Of course, a full kinky scene would be great, but we’re parents so we’re tired. He spanks my ass every night before bed while I kneel. Sometimes it turns into more, but not always.
- Kinky date night! Find your local club or a group of kinky friends to hang out with. Get the babysitter or beg a grandparent to watch the kids and get your kink on. If you can’t be out super late, go to the munch during the day instead. Being out with other people like you can help you feel like your submissive self.
- Establish rituals and tasks that won’t be obvious to your kids. Serve your Dominant dinner, bring them the mail to look through, help them undress after work, anything that reminds you of your place will work.
No one ever said being a parent would be easy. I think we figure that out for ourselves within five minutes of bringing a baby home from the hospital. Living your D/s dreams as a submissive can be wonderful and fulfilling but it’s not without its own challenges. Before you get discouraged or think you can’t handle both roles, figure out what helps you to feel more submissive and talk to your Dominant about how you feel and when you need help. You have to do what’s best for you, your kids, and your relationship, but finding the balance and learning how to transition between the roles is easier than you think.