It is really easy to understand managing vanilla relationships around others (including kids living at home). It boils down to understanding one crucial concept: discretion.
Discretion: the quality of behaving or speaking in a way to avoid causing offence or (IMPORTANTLY) revealing confidential information.
We can mostly agree that kissing your spouse “bye” in front of the kids is appropriate, but we all also know that we would never make out while unbuttoning clothes in the same setting. We parents have a sex life, but we don’t need to reveal it in front of kids. Discretion is easy to understand here; the same basic principles apply to kinky relationships. We’ve lived 24/7 D/s the entirety of our kids’ lives. I can assure you that how you display discreet power exchange changes depending on the children’s ages. Be prepared to adjust over time.
Discreet D/s inside of the bedroom involve finding time to play or engage in sprivate scene time For some households this means the end of the night when everybody is in their own private spaces, locking the bedroom door, and using “quieter” tools (clothespins, ball gags, bondage, scratching implements or a crop instead of many impact tools, fire/wax play, etc). For some, play happens outside of the home at scheduled kink events like parties and cons.
Discreet D/s OUTSIDE of the bedroom follow the same rule of “discretion,” I suggest finding rules, rituals, and protocols throughout the day and week that are only noticeable or important to the two who have agreed upon them. Deciding who serves dinner, who opens doors, or who picks the date night outfit. Things like meal choices, whether one wears undergarments, and the things you send via private message to each other are all examples of silent, private, discreet D/s.
Simply put, plan in advance the things that “feel D/s” inside and outside the bedroom in your dynamic, and keep a running list of what is appropriate to do in front of other people and what is not. Then, when living around others, focus on discreet actions and words. And when alone? That is the time to get wild and enjoy the kinks you’ve shelved until a better time.