Submission By Choice: Learned Submission

Submission has been called a gift. It has been said to be a natural characteristic. Submission is also a choice. When I first entered the lifestyle, no one would have mistaken me for a submissive. I am strong willed, commanding and independent. I have a dominant personality. Nature, society and the way I was brought up made me that way. However through my explorations I found a desire in me that only grew over time. This desire was to submit to someone, to be the one person in someone’s life that they could count on to serve them in whatever capacity they needed. This made my decision to become submissive rather plain to see.

When one chooses a role in this lifestyle there are usually clues as to what role will make you the happiest. These clues are desire, a sense of emptiness, and a need. The most important choice you can make is based on the desires you have. Do you desire to serve someone, to give the control of your life over to someone else? Do you feel a void in your life because you can not be the one someone calls upon for their needs? Is there an overpowering need to be of service? Are you always helping others, and wanting to volunteer for things and taking on every task as your own because it makes you feel good? These are clues that you may be submissive. Now I say maybe because all people have these draws in life, it’s just that submissives have it in excess.

It’s not an easy task to draw out the submissive nature within you if it isn’t already present in all you do. If you are like me, you struggle and rebel at the slightest challenge in character or task that you just ‘don’t feel like doing’. The goal is to submit anyway and to feel that the importance of your life is the imprint of your service on another. The journey to this goal is challenging and full of baby steps. Something accomplished, no matter how small, opens your mind and heart up to what is naturally there; submission.

Let’s use a personal example:

My Master requires that if I plan on going out, that I wear makeup. It’s not an abundance of makeup, nor is it really hard to do as he asks. However, when he first requested this of me, I refused. I didn’t understand why he would care if I wore makeup or not. I didn’t know what purpose it would serve to require me to wear makeup. I purposefully forgot to do it; I struggled with the reason for it. It took me months to do it on a daily basis.

Now I can see exactly why this request was upon me. He knew that when I wore makeup I felt better about my physical appearance, I adjusted my behavior to a more ladylike level, and I was certainly more appealing to look at. His purpose was to remind me that I am beautiful, that he knows I feel that way with makeup on, and that it is his choice to see me at my best; to improve myself for him.

This was one of my first steps in my transition, a transition that is still ongoing. I am by far finished. When you reach this point, where you are slowly making changes in your behavior and attitude you find that you are more eager to serve, that you find pleasure and enjoyment in the pride that shows in your partner’s face. After these beginning steps, you can add more steps. You can begin to make personal changes. Perhaps you want to become more active, or you want to have your clothes picked out before bed for the next day. These things can be done in the same manner, but without requirement from your partner (unless that is their choice). Achievement is addictive. Find those things you want to do or have always dreamed of being and then work towards it. It requires taking the initiative, maintaining motivation and a strong support system.

Take the initiative to draw up your plan of action. Be it to get up earlier and get housework done sooner, or to train yourself to be more sexually pliable. These are all possible with a bit of pre-planning. Make a to-do list, set up a schedule and talk it through with your partner. You should figure out what steps are necessary to achieve your goal. Always remember baby steps and don’t push yourself past what you can do. For example, if you intend on getting up at 5 am, and your normal schedule has you getting up at 7 am, don’t shock your system and just start setting the clock for 5 am, it won’t work. Remember to baby step toward your goal. If you want to do something sexually that is different than you do normally that usually requires practice, and who would argue with that?! First and foremost take the time to figure out what needs doing to get the job done.

The most difficult step is maintaining the motivation past the first exhilarating few days, weeks or months. I find that refreshing your small goals often helps give you a boost of encouragement from time to time. If a goal has become difficult, shrink it down a bit and go for that. Never give up! Keeping going is not easy. It takes hard work and concentration. Many reasons why people fail are because they lose motivation. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen to me. Another method to success is a great support system.

A support system can be anyone. Your partner is a good place to go first, but if there are going to be punishments applied to failings, you won’t want them as your only support. Seek out friends and other submissives that may be doing exactly what you are doing; changing. Keep in contact with them on a regular basis, even if you are doing well with your baby steps, encouraging others when they reach a hard place helps your goals as well. Stir your motivation and help others as they help you.

Finding the submissive in you is not easy, but it’s not impossible. There is a rocky road to any goal. The starting point is finding that part of yourself that wants to serve and be of service for someone. Then build on it and you can become submissive. You can feel that void filled with meaning and humble pride for your accomplishments. Find your true place in this lifestyle and never look back! Set a goal, work hard towards it and maintain your support system. Everything is possible.