Full Question: My question revolves around the idea of being a new sub and wanting desperately to act it out with almost anyone who will play the Domme. It’s a kind of frenzy.
But as you grow into the role, how do you set sensible boundaries and have a code of honor and values so you can be strong and fierce yet a vulnerable sub when you want to be?
Answer:
That’s definitely a frenzy. Many submissives completely lose focus on common sense during frenzy, and those boundaries you are asking about, go completely out the window.
Being submissive doesn’t mean you stop being strong and fierce when you submit. It takes a strong person to be submissive and allow themselves to be vulnerable with their partner. But you should definitely identify who you are, your values and where you are willing to compromise for a relationship.
Boundaries are a way to take care of ourselves. With a little preparation, you can set sensible boundaries from the beginning. Establishing boundaries is essential and something you will want to do BEFORE you start playing with people or attempting to establish relationships.
There are five different types of boundaries:
- Physical. This refers to your personal space, your privacy, and your body. You might be comfortable with public displays of affection (hugs, kisses, and hand-holding), or you might prefer not to be touched in public.
- Sexual. These are your expectations concerning intimacy. Sexual comments and touches might be uncomfortable for you.
- Intellectual. These boundaries concern your thoughts and beliefs. Intellectual boundaries are not respected when someone dismisses another person’s ideas and opinions.
- Emotional. This refers to a person’s feelings. You might not feel comfortable sharing your feelings about everything with a friend or partner. Instead, you prefer to share gradually over time.
- Financial. This one, as you guessed, is all about money. If you like to save money — not spend it on trendy fashions — you might not want to loan money to a friend who does.
When you get ready to establish your boundaries, be sure to consider each one. Make sure you negotiate with potential play partners and relationship partners to uphold your boundaries and uphold your values. Do not settle for anything less than what you need.