Hi Luna, I was reading your post about the gift of submission. I thought it was very eye opening. I took your eCourse and it really helped but I am still very confused and feeling overwhelmed. Here’s are my questions. I have been communicating with a Dom for about two months and he insists that I am not submitting at all. I disagree but I wonder if I am afraid to submit. Is this normal? I read so much about being careful and not rushing into anything and I guess I thought 2 months wasn’t enough time to be expecting submission. Secondly, he said that if I decide to submit I need to express it in a well thought out email. Any suggestions on what that email should say? Thanks so much!
Hi there!
First, I think you should ask him some questions. You need to get on the same page as far as definitions. What does he want from you as far as your submission? What does he think it looks like? Everyone’s definitions are going to be different so what are yours? You say you are submitting so what does submission look like to you? Having this discussion might open up some views as to why he says you aren’t submitting but you say you are.
It is possible to be afraid to submit – it’s not a natural behavior or personality trait in some people. If you find that you really want to submit and it makes you feel happy, at peace or complete by submitting then all you need do is work at it. Every submissive I know has gotten where they are by being vigilant and learning what it means to them to be submissive and how that looks for their Dominant.
As to whether 2 months is enough time, that’s purely up to the people involved. Some relationships move faster than others and that’s completely up to the people involved. If you feel that it’s too soon, but he wants more then that too needs to be communicated. I can’t tell if you’ve had these conversations already in your email, but It’s always best to clear up misunderstandings. Being in agreement as to the relationship is quite important.
Lastly, the email he is requesting isn’t something I’m familiar with. If I had to guess, he’s just wanting a detailed statement from you about how you are submitting or plan to submit to him (since you two can’t agree on if you are or not). I think once you both get on the same page as far as expectations from each other it will go a lot smoother for you.
I wish you the best,
–lunaKM