Read the entire series – go back to the Introduction of the 30 Days of Submission!
What do you feel are the roots of your submission? Do you think it has something to do with childhood? Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline? Is it a sexual thrill or something else?
I’m honestly not 100% sure where my desire to be submissive came from. Maybe it’s an escape from a poor childhood or just the way I love living.
My childhood started out good enough, and then my father and mother chose to adopt mentally challenged children. They changed. They got more aggressive and strict. They worked more and left me, the eldest to watch them for hours while they worked. I guess I was a surrogate mom to them enough that I lost my childhood. There was nothing wrong with adopting, let’s get that straight. But my parents sure weren’t stable themselves. I have no clue how the agency let them have kids – especially ones that needed extra care. We even fostered kids for a while. I just couldn’t understand.
I was in control a lot. My first marriage I was in control. I managed everything. And in that marriage is when I realized that I was miserable. I was never happy that I was in charge of everything. I wished that he would make some decisions for himself. It makes sense that I began looking into D/s and a way to feel happy.
Now how my submission manifested is not unusual, and I’m sure you’ve all been there. For me, submissive is who I am. It is a life role, not just a kinky thrill. I am submissive all the time to KnyghtMare – in and out of the bedroom. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I am at peace. I make decisions based on what I know he likes. I don’t have to be in charge anymore – at least not in the same way. I still have responsibilities but they are defined by his preferences and desires, not mine.
And that is the root of my submission. I am in control of the things that make KnyghtMare happy.
You can participate in the 30 Days of Submission too! Check out this post and make sure you leave your responses in the Subguide Club under the correct day!
