In a previous post, I talked about Safe, Sane and Consensual or SSC, a safety mantra that quite a bit of the BDSM community has picked up as a way to explain ourselves to non-lifestyle people. It’s an easy way to explain what can’t really be explained. I don’t intend to make this a primer for […]
RACK(Risk Aware Consensual Kink): A Realistic Alternative to SSC Read More »
Predators and abusive Dominants are everywhere. Maintaining any relationship requires compromise or sacrifice, but you should never give up your wants and needs or put your happiness at bay. And when we’re newly in love, relationship red flags can be notoriously easy to miss or ignore — although they’re usually clear as day after the
10 Red Flags of Bad or Abusive Dominants Read More »
As a novice submissive in this technology age you typically explore submission online in chat room and in instant messaging. There is nothing wrong with this avenue for dipping your toe in the water. There are, however, very real dangers that predators use to capture novices and can do more harm to your curiosity than
How Blind Faith Leads to Dangerous Online Encounters Read More »
As a novice submissive, I believed that asking for anything was not appropriate for a submissive. I rarely requested a favorite restaurant, something at the store or anything else I wanted. My Master often asked me why I constantly deferred to him for everything. Of course, I responded with what I thought to be right,
Reminder: Asking For What You Want Is Not Overstepping Your Place Read More »
To conclude this series on wants and needs I’d like to talk about what to do when you needs and wants are not being met. We’ve already discussed how important the fulfillment of needs are to your relationship and also what your desires are. You can also review how to express your wants and needs to your partner so
What Should You Do When Your Wants or Needs Aren’t Met? Read More »
Your Training Resume is a folder or binder with all of your training, history, and experience in it so that you can give it to a prospective Dominant or keep a training history for yourself. It’s a novel concept for submissives and one that I’ve not seen so far. Part of the Resume is to
How to Document Your Skills and Training in your Submissive Resume Read More »
Everyone has a defining moment where BDSM becomes a part of your life in some form or another. It doesn’t have to mean that you are completely immersed in a D/s relationship right away. A lot of us start out just kinky in the bedroom. The idea of being submissive as a part of your
What Your Defining Moment Means to Your Submissive Future Read More »
I was asked in an email for some help from a girl that was confused about the information she was given by submissives bent on giving her ‘good’ advice. She’s been happy in a relationship with her Dominant and while they live a D/s life she’s always seeking more advice on the right way to
You Aren’t Doing It Right – Dealing With Criticism From Others Read More »
When you first enter the more public BDSM community one of the largest catch phrases you will here is SSC, also known as Safe, Sane and Consensual. It is a security blanket approach to safety when playing and negotiation of play. As a submissive, you have a lot of responsibility to keep yourself safe and well.
A Submissive Approach to Safe, Sane and Consensual Read More »
You’ve met the perfect person; they are strict and charming, their dominance is a perfect compliment to your submission. There is just one hang-up. They are shorter than you, or they could be smaller in stature than you. Could there be an issue with your ability to submit to someone that can’t overpower you physically
Help! My Dom is smaller than me! Read More »
Aftercare is an important part of recovery from play for many people. It is most common to experience a drop in emotions and energy after play from within hours to even days later. All too often it becomes a necessity to take care of yourself after a play session because your top was just visiting
Caring for Yourself After a Scene: Self-Aftercare Read More »
UPDATE: I have written further on this topic. Please check out Why You Should Know the Truth About Topping from the Bottom and Feeding His Dominance is Not Topping from Below. Topping from the bottom is a misunderstood term in BDSM, especially if you are a novice. The idea behind the term is to help submissives understand their
5 Ways to Recognize Topping from the Bottom Read More »
Your training history is the catalog of the past relationships that you have had within a D/s dynamic. You will be documenting the training you received and list the basic development that you can recall being part of your service. If you have a long history with many dominants this could take awhile and be
As a point of personal opinion, I’d like to define the differences between very basic terms so that there is no confusion as to who I am referring to when I mention either of these terms. I write this guide in my perspective and provide my mentorship and guidance with these terms clearly defined for
The Differences Between Bottom, Masochist, Submissive and Slave Read More »
Maintaining a clean home can take on a life of its own. There is only a small number of submissives that can live the dream of being an at home submissive. Most of us have outside jobs and families and commitments that leave the housework low on the priority list. My goal for you today
Create a Daily Cleaning Routine That Works Read More »
In the previous post about Wants and Needs we began to understand the importance of Needs for ourselves and our relationship. If you would like to go back and read The Importance of Needs to review, please do so. In this post, I’d like to talk about how to express your wants and needs with yourself and
How To Talk About Your Wants and Needs With Your Dominant Read More »
Do you think you have a good grasp of good manners and etiquette? We all know someone as an adult that has horrible manners and no etiquette. Learning basic manners is usually done as soon as children can understand you. The ones most pressed upon them are ‘sharing and taking turns’, ‘no staring’, and ‘please
Emily Post Is Right: Basic Manners and Etiquette That Are Useful To Your Submission Read More »
In the previous post about wants and needs you made a list of your wants and a list of your needs so that you had them defined for your training resume. In this essay, I will share why needs are so important to your overall health and happiness in a relationship and why settling for less than
What Everybody Ought To Know About Basic Needs and Need Deficits Read More »
Submission has been called a gift. It has been said to be a natural characteristic. Submission is also a choice. When I first entered the lifestyle, no one would have mistaken me for a submissive. I am strong willed, commanding and independent. I have a dominant personality. Nature, society and the way I was brought
Submission By Choice: Learned Submission Read More »
“It’s so hard to find someone in the Lifestyle that I’m compatible with. You are so lucky to have found someone.” I don’t know how many times I hear this on a daily basis when conversing. It always brings up my view on the whole dating atmosphere within the Lifestyle. Yes, it is hard to
Finding a Compatible Partner in the Lifestyle Read More »
