Leatherstrap asks me:
I played with a lady tonite who set out very clearly that she wanted to play rough – in fact she wanted to be brought to tears – She had a safe word which she didnt call but as the session went on it became apparent that she wasnt well – I stopped of course but she had had quite some paddling by then – Thing is she then felt nauseous and dizzy and threw up – took her a while to come right when she promptly felt embarrassed and a failure – I reassured her that she was certainly not a failure but even tho she didnt call her safe word I worry that I went too far – Question is can you explain why she might throw up like that and what was going on for her – she is fine the next day and wanting to do it again –
Leatherstrap,
First off, I want to commend you for stopping the scene when something didn’t feel right, even without a safeword being used. That kind of attentiveness is what makes for a caring and responsible play partner. And I’m really glad to hear she’s okay now and still interested in continuing to explore her limits—sometimes the body just has a lot to say after an intense experience, and it’s worth listening to.
So what could have caused the nausea, dizziness, and vomiting? There are actually a few possibilities that can show up during or after BDSM play, especially when it’s physically or emotionally intense.
Here are a few common ones:
- Nondiabetic Hypoglycemia: This is low blood sugar in people who don’t have diabetes. Rough play can spike adrenaline and cortisol, and if someone hasn’t eaten recently (or eaten something with just fast carbs), their blood sugar can drop sharply. This can cause sweating, dizziness, weakness, nausea, and yes—even vomiting. It’s more common than people realize in play that’s both physical and emotional.
- Vasovagal Response: This is the body’s reflexive reaction to pain, strong emotions, or certain physical triggers. It can lead to a sudden drop in heart rate and blood pressure, causing faintness, nausea, or vomiting. It doesn’t necessarily mean something bad happened—it’s just how some bodies react under stress.
- Endorphin Crash: During intense scenes, especially ones that include crying or heavy impact, the body often floods with endorphins. When those wear off suddenly (like when a scene ends or slows down), the resulting crash can feel like a rollercoaster: nausea, chills, dizziness, disorientation, and emotional rawness are all possible.
- Overheating or Dehydration: Physical scenes are physically demanding, and it’s surprisingly easy to get dehydrated or overheated without realizing it—especially if emotions are high and awareness of bodily needs is low.
- Adrenaline Overload: This happens when the body is under prolonged stress (even if it’s wanted stress). The symptoms can mimic a panic attack: shaky hands, nausea, vomiting, lightheadedness, and even crying. It’s the body discharging pent-up energy all at once.
None of these mean the scene “went wrong,” and they certainly don’t mean she failed in any way. Bodies just react how they react sometimes—and it’s good that it happened with someone who cared enough to stop and support her.
For the future, consider checking in on some of these areas before and after you play:
- Has she eaten something substantial in the last couple of hours?
- Is she hydrated?
- Does she tend to faint, throw up, or get dizzy in other situations?
- Can you build in a longer warm-up and cool-down to give her nervous system a gentler arc?
- Are there grounding aftercare tools ready—like blankets, snacks, sugar, water, and a quiet space?
This sounds like it was a big scene for both of you—and a powerful one. You’re not alone in wondering if you did something wrong, but from what you’ve shared, it sounds like you handled it with care and are now following through with concern, which is what really matters. Stay communicative, keep learning from each scene, and trust your instincts when something feels off.