This is a guest post by Mistress Steel. It was part of her Steel’s Chamber Scrolls which is now defunct. Shared with Permission.
A sexual submissive is a person who manifests submissive traits only in direct connection with sexual arousal and release. In all other aspects of their life this person will probably comport themselves in a manner that is neutral or indistinguishable from a nonscene related person, vanilla.
There is one line of thought that a sexual submissive may be more closely related to a scene fetisher than to a submissive who is submissive throughout the scope of their life.
A fetish is an object or part of the body that arouses sexual or libidinal interest generally to the conclusion of genital or orgasmic release.
In this case the fetish becomes a part of the mind or thought processes that triggers sexual arousal rather than what we typically consider to be a fetish object such as a ‘shoe fetish’ or even a body worship fetisher i.e. a person who is sexually aroused by the action of body worship. Since the mind is obviously part of the body, this thought process can then be viewed as potentially a fetish even though the thought process itself might be relatively broad and appear to be unfocused (in terms of fetish type focus or obsessions). When the entire mental process becomes obsessive the specialization seen or noted in traditional fetish behavior becomes inclusive or not easy to note.
It is interesting to consider that within the framework of ‘scening’ or the theater of the sexual arena the sexual submissive may present every aspect of submissive behavior and will in truth become ‘during’ that scene or sexual arena to all extents and purposes a submissive.
A person whose sexual triggers are so linked to submissive behavior may have great difficulty understanding their ‘lack’ of submissive feelings, desires or thoughts outside of the sexual arena. Some might even consider themselves to be flawed or stuck, as if they have reached a type of submissive plateau when in actuality they are not submissive in the broadest sense of that term at all.
It is common for a sexual submissive to have strong mental submissive or ‘force’ imagery within their mind at any time they are in a sexually ‘interested’ state. This would be any time the body was desirous of physical genital release. This long obsessive state leads many sexual submissives to erroneously believe that they must ‘be’ submissive since they have such a strong desire to experience the submissive ‘condition’ during sex. The sexual submissive may find that they are experiencing many conflicting mental messages when they attempt to adopt submissive behaviors outside of the sexual arena. They might note that the submissive behaviors do not feel natural to them, nor even comfortable. They might also note that their submissive sexual thoughts revolve around sexual specific submissive behaviors and are not inclusive of all submissive behaviors. These internal limits may feel peculiar and may elicit challenge and lack of understanding of the sexual submissive when they are in direct contact with a dominant who is unfamiliar with the nature of a sexual submissive.
The sexual submissive in their ‘vanilla’ life is most likely to present themselves in an almost neutral framework to others. A few may manifest overt dominance but most indicate that they dislike conflict, may struggle with decision making although they are competent to make decisions. Many also indicate a lifetime of feelings of internal insecurity, sometimes based upon the conflictive mental messages relating to their sexual interests.
One of the indicators or identifiable traits of a sexual submissive occurs in the aftermath of a sexual scene where they have performed as a submissive. After the sexual ‘scene’ has reached its natural conclusion the sexual submissive may in fact feel strong feelings of remorse, chagrin and confusion over the nature of their nature. Many do not really understand why they need to relate to their intimate partners from a truly submissive framework, why this arouses them so strongly and why the aftermath is so challenging and difficult.
Some sexual submissives feel a sense of revulsion for their actions or behaviors and have great difficulty returning to a state of well-being sometimes for hours after the sexual scene has concluded in genital orgasmic release. This sense of revulsion can appear almost instantly once orgasm has occurred. If a sexual submissive is ‘active’ and experiences submissive sex frequently the sexual submissive becomes more able to handle or manage their feelings and to understand the process of their behaviors.
From a dominants perspective being with a sexual submissive can be enormously enjoyable, primarily if the two are sexually compatible within the framework of the fetish type triggers that the sexual submissive displays. It may allow the dominant to dominate during this type of very erotic scene and be able to be with their partner in a neutral almost vanilla type relationship in all other areas of their life. This can be a relief to a dominant if their mindset or personality is such that they desire to be with a sexual submissive, enjoy their scening but not have to perform as a dominant the rest of the time.
The dominant who is actively with a sexual submissive must also learn to allow the sexual submissives feelings of ‘revulsion’ after the scene has ended and not personalize this revulsion as having anything to do with them. The revulsion should be anticipated, the dominant may elect to provide nurturing or supportive activities noted to ease the sexual submissives immediate feelings. It should be noted that the revulsion is not directed at the dominant by the sexual submissive but at the actions of submission itself which the sexual submissive has engaged in.
A sexual submissive will often have or experience great difficulty with presenting themselves as a submissive outside of the sexual arena and may have great conflicts in understanding how they fit into the D/s lifestyle community since the existence of a ‘limiting’ submissive isn’t written about or spoken of in almost any venue. If you believe yourself to be a sexual submissive then I urge you to become comfortable with who you are and not try to force yourself to fit into any other person’s idea of what you must be. Remember, there will always be a special person out there who fits your peculiarities just as you fit theirs, exactly as you are.
Written by F.R.R. Mallory – also known as Mistress Steel. This article may be excerpted from Extreme Space, The Domination and Submission Handbook, Safe, Sane and Consensual, Dangerous Choices or other books by F.R.R. Mallory and shared here with her permission. Please click on the book title for information on how you can order a copy of these books and others by F.R.R. Mallory.