Dear lunaKM,
I’ve been with Master for almost 9 months, and although I love our relationship I feel like there is a disconnect with my submission. I know it’s a weird way to phrase it but I don’t know how else to put it. I have generally loved being Master’s “Good Girl” But recently I’ve been semi-acting out and just messing up, It’s not all a conscious decision, some of it I just do without thought or plan. I don’t know how to get out of this mindset. It’s frustrating me when all I want to do is behave.
–Want to Behave
Hello Want to Behave,
No matter where I am in my submissive journey I find times where it’s harder to submit than others. So many things can happen that cause these disconnects, from stress and illness to a hectic life or distractions. These are outside forces that disrupt our submission. Inside forces are things like your not feeling valued or desired, not feeling like your partner cares if you follow the rules, not following through on punishments for infractions or that your requests for attention go unheeded. All of these forces do lead to misbehavior and acting out to try to get the responses you’ve expected.
In moments like this, it’s a good idea to have a couple’s meeting and talk about the disconnect you are feeling. Your partner likely has noticed but doesn’t understand either why you’ve begun acting out and slipping from your place. Expressing your thoughts can lead you to why you might be slipping and also bringing this awareness to your partner may help them work with you to get back into the right frame of mind.
Be patient if there are things going on in your life that is interfering with your submission right now. Nothing lasts forever and you can reconnect when you find the breathing room. This isn’t the time to beat yourself up about slipping, it’s about trying to maintain as best you can while the world rushes around you. Things will level out and you will regain your mindset.
Has your Dominant been active and aware in his dominance or is he expecting you to submit without his interaction? This too can lead to acting out to try to get a response, even negative ones. A couple’s meeting will likely help you get back on track there too. He may not have realized that he’s let things slid on his end.
I’m going to leave you with a few links to articles here on the site that deal with submissive mindset and reviving it when it flickers as yours is. I hope that they help you.
Being Submissive in a Vanilla World and How to Balance it Out
The Myth of the 24/7 Submissive Mindset (and Why So Many of Us Struggle)