Imagine not being allowed to masturbate, to have orgasms, or to only have orgasms when given permission. Surrendering orgasm control to the Dominant is one of the most common activities in a sexual D/s relationship. One day your Dominant tells you that you are going to learn to orgasm on command with just the power of their voice or another trigger. It’s exciting but also scary. Orgasm control training, also known as release training, orgasm command, or orgasmic obedience, offers a pathway to unlock heightened sensations and a deeper connection with your own sexuality.
In this beginner’s guide, we will embark on a journey together, delving into the art of orgasm control and discovering the potential it holds for transforming your sexual encounters with your Dominant. Whether you’re intrigued by the idea of experiencing orgasms on command or you simply want to explore a new dimension of pleasure, this post, the first in the series, will provide valuable insights and practical steps to get you started.
Since I am a submissive female, I’m not going to be able to share how a male submissive experiences the training, but I imagine it is much the same mental process. Also, this post is not about the training mechanics. It’s more about what the experience is like for the submissive partner. There are many really good articles and forums about orgasm on command from the Dominant perspective that can enlighten you.
Here’s a short list:
- Orgasm Control by Rover
- Train Your Body to Orgasm on Command
- Orgasm Control Training: They Can’t Resist
- Orgasm Control by gina
Embarking on this journey requires self-awareness, patience, and a willingness to explore your desires. I’m making some assumptions with this article that you already know how to have orgasms and can do it without difficulty. I’m also assuming that your partner can bring you to orgasm.
If you have difficulty achieving orgasms and are female-bodied, you are not alone. According to Rowland, Cempel, and Tempel, as reviewed in their study “Women’s Attributions Regarding Why They Have Difficulty Reaching Orgasm,” reports of difficulty or inability to orgasm in women range from 10 to 40 percent. If you have issues coming to orgasm, you should work on that first before you add the pressure of orgasm control training. A book that might help you understand and have better orgasms is “ The Elusive Orgasm: A Woman’s Guide to Why She Can’t and How She Can Orgasm” by Vivienne Cass, Ph.D.
What is Orgasm Control Training?
Orgasm control training is a practice that involves consciously regulating and commanding your orgasms, allowing you to prolong or intensify pleasure, experience multiple orgasms, or even experience orgasms without any physical stimulation at all. While it may sound enticing, it’s important to approach this practice with knowledge, consent, and an open mind.
Throughout this series, we’ll cover the fundamental principles of orgasm control training, including its psychological and physiological aspects. We’ll discuss the importance of communication, consent, and trust and provide you with practical exercises and techniques to develop your orgasmic control.
Once you are ready to embark on orgasm control training, it is important to understand it begins in the mind. Traditional orgasms are typically spontaneous and occur as a result of sexual stimulation and arousal. In contrast, commanded orgasms are deliberately induced through specific techniques, mental focus, or external commands. Orgasm on command training is a shift from having orgasms naturally and the anxiety it entails trying to have orgasms to being unable to control your orgasm. The “fear” of not being able to orgasm is replaced by the “fear” that you will orgasm without permission. That suggestion is very powerful. It’s mental conditioning that requires full trust and confidence in your Dominant that he can command you and honest trust in yourself that you will comply without interference or stimulus.
This is where the majority of the training lies.
When KnyghtMare and I began a training program that involved coming by command, I had to be open to it. It wasn’t hard at all for me to accept that my Dominant could make me orgasm because he had proven time and again that he was capable and he already had control of my orgasms. I rarely masturbated even though I had permission, and I have always had to ask for orgasms during sex and play. Learning to enjoy the process and experiment with triggers and trying to activate those triggers has made me more in tune with my body’s responses to sexual stimuli and the lead-up to an orgasm.
As a submissive, if you believe that it just can’t happen, you tell yourself that it won’t happen, then it won’t. You have to be open to the idea and willing to accept the possibility that an orgasm without physical stimulus is possible and that you want it to happen.
Taking Your First Steps By Trusting the Process
The first thing KnyghtMare had me do was to give over control of my orgasms. This happened within days of agreeing to be his submissive. I have not been allowed to orgasm without his permission since then. I have been asking for orgasms for years, sometimes he says yes, and sometimes he says no or to wait. This rule was hard at first because we first met online, and my sexual desires didn’t always happen when he was available to grant permission even if I asked (being halfway around the world can do that to you), and I really did enjoy being free to masturbate.
Over the years, I have received many questions about how to comply with this rule, especially when the relationship is online or long-distance. I’ve had a few novice submissives even suggest that they’d masturbate and just not tell their Dominant. Please, don’t do this! First, you agreed to obey the rule, and obedience is a cornerstone of submission. If you don’t want to submit, then don’t submit but don’t hold up a guise that you are submitting when you aren’t. Also, when you masturbate without permission, you are lying to your Dominant, and in many D/s exchanges, that is a harsh punishment or an end of the relationship. Hopefully, you don’t want that.
And finally, masturbating without permission will break down the orgasm control training. Remember what I said above that orgasm control is no longer the fear of not having orgasms but of having them without permission. If you override your partner’s wishes and masturbate because you can get away with it, you will not get anywhere in the orgasm control training either. While this, in my opinion, is a lesser evil than being disobedient and outright lying to your Dominant, you don’t want to hinder the orgasm control training either.
We talk about the mental process for submissives in part two of the series.
Trust and effective communication form the pillars of a successful orgasm control training experience. You need to trust your Dominant and that the training will work, but also keep communication lines open to discuss your expectations and address any issues that arise.
Edging Games You Can Play To Get Started
One of KnyghtMare’s favorite games is edging. During our sex play, he likes to see how long I can edge before going over. He keeps me on the brink of orgasm for what can feel like ages. When he finally gives in to my begging, the orgasm is quite intense. A personal caveat, however, is if I edge too long, it has a chance to make my orgasm go away completely, and no matter how much sexual stimuli I have, it just never happens. Once you learn where that limit is, you definitely want to prevent that in the future. Sexual frustration is fun, but there is a limit to it!
There are a couple of games you can play to help you learn when you are at the apex of your orgasm, just before it is uncontrollable, and that’s what you need to know heading into the next step of the training.
Counting Down
You or your partner brings you close to orgasm, and then your Dominant counts you down from 10 or 5, and at the end of the countdown, they tell you to come. Only then can you orgasm. It’s a practice of learning to know when the edge is really the edge and also helps you associate your partner’s command with your orgasm. That is a key step in understanding orgasm on command.
Scheduled Masturbation
It may come as a no-brainer, but in order to practice orgasm on command, you have to have a lot of orgasms and masturbation. Masturbation can be solo or shared, but having a scheduled time daily (or more often) will make your body and mind connect all the dots to sexual excitement. And it’s fun!
Announce Your Orgasms
Another practice is to tell your partner when you are preparing to orgasm. This is especially helpful because you both can see how your body prepares for an orgasm, from how flushed you get, to the rigidity in your limbs, changes in your clitoris and vaginal walls, and so much more. After all, your job in this exercise is to try to not orgasm without permission, but theirs is to learn every nuance of your sexual arousal and orgasm so they can manipulate it and you. That’s not an easy task until they can see it in action and learn from it.
These are the first tentative steps and the most common for people entering orgasm control. We were at this stage for years. And then, we went to a presentation on orgasm on command at a local convention and listened to the presenter’s methods. It provided us with our next steps and helped us learn even more.
In the next article in this series, I share with you what I learned in the class and the process of mental conditioning in Orgasm on Command Training – The Process for the Submissive.