Full Question: How do you safely enter this lifestyle without being scammed?
Answer:
You’ve got two pretty big questions here, and I’ll do my best to answer them.
First, it makes sense to be safe when looking for a partner. We’ve gone to the mentality that instant compatibility is easy. Finding a compatible partner requires time, dating, and meeting them face to face. Online-only relationships exist but rarely pass the test of time.
How do you enter safely?
- Educate yourself about BDSM and the things you wish to explore with a partner. Learn about safe calls, safewords, and safety mantras like SSC and RACK.
- Understand what it is you want and need in a partner. Understand what you want and need for yourself to have a fulfilling relationship.
- Use your common sense. If you have dating experience, it’s the same when looking for a BDSM lifestyle partner. You just have more to be compatible with. Get to know the person you’re interested in and listen to your gut about how you feel about the progress of the relationship.
- Don’t submit to someone before you are ready. Submission is something that comes once trust is established. Make sure you trust the person you are dating before you do any submitting.
Now, scams do happen, but they often come about when the person doesn’t know how things work. That’s why I always advocate for new submissives to learn, explore, and educate themselves before seeking a partner. Your education can keep you safer if you understand what you seek.
A few of the more recent or common scams I’ve heard about:
- Asking the submissive to buy toys and equipment through a third party to be sent to the Dominant to stock their playroom before meeting the submissive.
- Told they will be meeting with a trainer, not the Dominant, that will test them and play with them to see if they are submissive enough for the Dominant.
- Anytime someone says, “if you were a real submissive, you’d do X, Y, and Z.”
Keep one important thing in mind; a BDSM relationship is a relationship. It functions like any other relationship you’ve been exposed to. It just has added dynamics. If it doesn’t feel right, it’s not right. Go slow; learn all you can. There are dozens of books you can read, websites you can visit, and groups you can attend to get the information you need to make healthy safe choices.