Full Question: Hello, I’m just confused that my girlfriend is not so into BDSM things. How can I help her get interested?
Answer:
This is a common situation that does not have an easy answer. It is important because it is not sufficient for many of us to bury our desires and needs for BDSM.
Plan a moment where there won’t be any distractions and talk about your new feelings and desires. Be honest about it and be open to positive and negative responses. If you need help, get a book or find a few websites online to help you with your discussion. Don’t give your partner ultimatums, and they will need time to understand what you are asking from them and to find out themselves if they are interested. It’s a change in the relationship they may not have expected, but it could also inspire them. A good book to have laid on the bedside table is When Someone You Love Is Kinky by Dossie Easton. It is recommended on Amazon and is an appropriate read for anyone new and nervous.
Give them time to think about what you have asked for and don’t pressure them for answers or that if they just tried it, they’d like it. If they agree to give it a try, that’s great! Go slow and talk about everything before you experiment. Being kinky can be scary when you’ve not fantasized about it before.
Some people can’t be kinky and don’t want to entertain your fantasies or relationship desires. If your girlfriend says they are not interested in BDSM, you’ve got some difficult decisions ahead. You may have to make a decision not to explore your desires or to find someone that will. In some cases, you could both agree to open your relationship to make room for a BDSM partner while keeping the existing relationship. It could mean you explore kink online and get your emotional and mental desires fed that way. If you find you are not compatible with your girlfriend, you may have to decide to end the relationship to seek what you desire.
Don’t give up. Things have a tendency to work themselves out.
