Every submissive goes though it. You may be going through it now. Those butterflies in your stomach because you’ve just set a date for your first play session. Things are still so new and exciting. You don’t know what to expect or how you will react to things. It’s all so strange and foreign feeling. You aren’t alone. Even the most experienced submissive can go through the butterflies before play, but there are ways to learn to relax and be a bit more prepared for what might happen at your first play session.
1. Talk to the Dominant beforehand.
Make sure that they understand your nervousness. Ask them lots of questions about what might happen during your playtime or you can even specify what you would like to experience. Don’t take it too extreme that first time. You have all the time in the world to try play piercing or the single tail whip. If you aren’t sure if you like pain at all, don’t hide that from the Dominant. The point of this is to keep the lines of communication open. They want you to enjoy yourself as much as they want to enjoy the experience. Find out what they will expect of you well in advance.
2. Learn about what is going to happen.
If the Dominant has a spanking planned and you don’t know a lot about consensual spanking, read about it. Go on forums and ask questions, become familiar with the terms and knowledge available to you. If you must, look at pictures and porn related to the event. Knowing about what will happen will help you calm your nerves.
3. Set up a safe call.
This doesn’t have to be elaborate. Just let someone else know that you are going on a date, of if they are into BDSM, be upfront and say it’s a first play session, and ask them to call you at a specified time. Then let the Dominant know ahead of time that you have a safe call and will be expected to answer the phone at whatever time you have set. This way they can make sure you are not occupied or unable to get the phone. A respectable Dominant will have no problems with this; a shady character may object (sound the alarm). The phone call is just to check if you are okay. You can get fancy with a code if you want to, but there usually isn’t a need. I’ve heard that someone has the code, ‘Can you let the dog out?’ as meaning I’m in trouble or uncomfortable, I need to get out but can’t. So far they haven’t used this code. It’s completely up to you, but having a safe call can help you with your jitters as well.
4. Breathe.
Alot . Taking deep breaths will relax your beating heart and help you absorb what is happening a lot easier than panicked gasps for air. You’ve been waiting a long time for this moment, enjoy it.
5. Talk about it afterward with the Dominant or experienced others.
Talking about what happened and how you felt can help you feel better prepared and accepting of what you went through. Watch for signs of sub drop and I suggest you think about some self-aftercare. I think it brings the event full circle.
Are you getting ready for your first play session? Do you have questions you’d like answered? Contact me! subguide@gmail.com