Welcome to part five in this week’s series all about how to help you feel more comfortable entering and becoming a part of the local BDSM community. Some of the best education I’ve received as a submissive, especially on the different ways other people live the D/s life, have been from people in my local area . Attending a munch, going to a play party, or just hanging out online and observing conversations and interactions is a great way to learn and have your eyes opened to other viewpoints and experiences.
Today, let’s talk about who you can expect to meet and what you can expect to happen when you attend a BDSM Dungeon.
Unlike attending a munch, which is very vanilla and very relaxed, going to a private play party or a local BDSM dungeon is a bit different.
The people are both the same and not the same as those you met at the munch. The rules are different. Your expectations should be a little different, too.
Either way, it’s not as scary as you think it is.
Note: Every party or dungeon is different. Some are invitation only. Others require sponsorship or membership. There might be a cover charge that you’ll need to pay. If you’re unsure, ask before you go.
Who You’ll Meet at the Dungeon
Many (but not all) of the people you meet at the munch are similar to those you’ll meet at the dungeon. In my area, the biggest play party of the month is the same night as the munch. The same people tend to go to both, but not always. It’s often easier to go to the party which probably won’t begin until 9:00 p.m. or later than it is to get an afternoon off to go to the munch.
The faces may be different, but the types of people will be similar.
Dominants, submissives, switches, newbies, Old Guard, male, female, transgender, straight, gay – BDSM is a pretty inclusive lifestyle, and there’s no telling who’s kinky in your local community.
Many people will be in their fetish gear. Some will arrive in street clothes and change before joining the group. You’ll see all manners of dress. Corsets, leather pants, no pants, men in women’s clothing, women in almost no clothing. My very first trip to a BDSM dungeon included the sight of two submissive women with their breasts on display the entire time they were there. It was definitely an eye-opening experience.
What You Can Expect at the Dungeon
In a previous post, I talked about rules and protocols. Here is where you’ll see a higher protocol than you might be used to. Every club, dungeon, and party has its own rules and expectations. When you’re new, you should be told what the rules are or given the information about how to find them. If that information isn’t immediately shared, ask.
No one should expect perfection when you’re new. If you make a mistake and break a rule (like talking to a submissive without their Dominant’s permission), simply apologize and correct the mistake. Yes, there are assholes even in the kink community and someone might make an issue out of it. When in doubt, ask a dungeon master what you should do.
There should be a social area you can hang out in. It may or may not be adjacent to where others are playing or having scenes. If it is, keep your voice down a bit. It’s not polite or safe to break the concentration of people in a scene – someone could get hurt.
Depending on the rules of the club or party, you may see full nudity, sexual penetration, and other intensely sexual and private moments. Don’t be completely surprised by it. It might not be your thing, but if it’s allowed and the dungeon master believes it’s safe, either ignore it or enjoy the show.
Remember, everyone’s experience at a dungeon or party is unique to them. Go in with an open mind, a willingness to learn and follow the rules, and a polite demeanor, and you’ll be fine. You might even walk away with a few new tricks to try in your next scene or (if you’re like me) a willingness to scene in front of everyone the next time you go.
Entering the Community Series
Part 1: Finding Other Local Kinksters Using Online Resources
Part 2: Socializing with Kinksters
Part 3: Understanding and Following General Protocols in Public
Part 4: Who You’ll Meet and What to Expect at a Munch
Part 5: Who You’ll Meet and What to Expect at a BDSM/Dungeon Play Party