The original question comes from a male Dominant/female submissive context, and the response reflects that framing. That said, the topic is relevant to D/s dynamics of all kinds, regardless of gender.
“Fair” is such a complicated concept. “Fair” seems like a measurable emotion, like something to feel- a pea underneath the mattress where you know something needs to be balanced, but it’s just… not.
I like to remind myself that “fair is NOT the same thing as equal.” Being fair, for example, to my friendships with other women means that I am providing each of the relationships with an appropriate amount of attention that would leave them each feeling happy and satisfied within our relationship. But if one of my friends got broken up with in the same week she lost her job, she may need extra attention. I may bring her flowers, or text her 2x a day instead of my typical twice-a-week check-in. What makes this “fair” is that I would do the same for ANY of my struggling friends. I would do what I need to do to make them feel heard and seen; to fill them up and make them glad for our friendship.
So if we apply the “fair is not the same thing as equal” principle to a D/s dynamic, we need to first center this concept within the bounds of each D/s dynamic. I, for one, have consented to a dynamic where my Dominant is free to speak to whomever he wants, but I, as a submissive, need permission to talk with other men. Does this make it right for any other relationship? No. But “fair is not always equal” in MY relationship means that we have both agreed that we are each able to have open discussions regarding “other partners,” and since my Dominant is in charge of final decisions, he can make this choice for himself, but is also able to decide for me.
Which could be exactly as OP described. He can see other women; he may tell me I cannot see other men. So when we analyze what works in your dynamic, we need to ask, “what makes me feel like my relationship is fair and balanced?” It could mean that fairness IS that both people can make decisions for themselves about other relationships. It could be that fair is the Dominant having a final veto if XYZ exists (ie, you can chat online with others but not in person). This should be negotiated in advance, frequently discussed, and leave YOU feeling heard and seen in your dynamic.
