Full Question: If your Dom forgets to do things we have agreed on beforehand, how do you remind them without feeling like you are directing the scene and therefore feeling less submissive?
Answer:
I understand that when you have to raise a concern during play it could leave you feeling less submissive, but there is more to being submissive than passively just accepting whatever you’re given.
There are several reasons why your Dominant may forget to do things you’ve agreed to, and so I’m going to cover a few of those points before I talk about your responsibility in play that empowers you as a submissive and it’s not about taking over the scene.
First, your Dominant is not Superman. If you’ve talked about wanting to do many things during play, they could have forgotten a few. The issue with negotiation is that sometimes you’re trying to negotiate all the play you’re interested in, not just arranging the one scene. Could it be that they have just forgotten some of the things you mentioned?
How much time has passed from the negotiation of the scene to playing? If it’s been more than a few minutes, it’s best practice to have a refresher before you start. Remembering to do this in the future can help avoid forgetting things.
Now, your responsibility as a submissive and a consensual partner is to be aware of what may be missing for you and to speak up about it. You can do so in a non-threatening way, maybe with a bit of dirty talk or just pausing play and asking for what you’re missing. Playtime is for both of you. It’s no fun to play if you’re also not getting what you want.
If your partner forgetting is a concern, have a sit-down conversation with clothes on and discuss what you are experiencing. Sometimes, having a more structured conversation will work better than in-the-moment communication.
Good luck.