An Exercise to Help You Distinguish Between Wants and Needs

Continuing the Wants and Needs Series, this essay is about knowing the difference between wants and needs. If you would like to read the previous essay, please read “ Know What You Want, Learn What You Need.”

The difference between wants and needs can be answered in one basic question. Is this something you can live without?

Need

– something you have to have 

Want -something you would like to have

When we discuss basics, the needs are food, clothing, and shelter, but what about relationships? When you enter into a relationship you have needs to be fulfilled also.  These could be love, attention, and affection. In a D/s relationship, these could also be rules, structure, discipline and many others.

Exercise

Make a list of everything you dream of having in your perfect relationship. Don’t be stingy, list it all. Once you have made your list, go through each item and decide if it is a want or a need. Imagine your relationship without each item. Would it detract from your happiness? If it would, then it is a need. If you could be happy without it, then it is a want. Mark them so that you can refer to these two lists as needed.

Place this list in your Training Resume.

The wants on your list are just as important as the needs, but because they are only wants, they do not all have to be met to make you happy. Some of these could be desires that could be met once and that want can be removed from your list. Try to make sure that when you are in a relationship there is a happy balance of wants filled as well as the needs you need to feel complete.

In the next post in the series, I’m going to talk about how to share your wants and needs with your partner so that you can make sure the relationship is compatible for the both of you.

Stay tuned.