Everyone has a defining moment where BDSM becomes a part of your life in some form or another. It doesn’t have to mean that you are completely immersed in a D/s relationship right away. A lot of us start out just kinky in the bedroom. The idea of being submissive as a part of your […]
What Your Defining Moment Means to Your Submissive Future Read More »
I was asked in an email for some help from a girl that was confused about the information she was given by submissives bent on giving her ‘good’ advice. She’s been happy in a relationship with her Dominant and while they live a D/s life she’s always seeking more advice on the right way to
You Aren’t Doing It Right – Dealing With Criticism From Others Read More »
When you first enter the more public BDSM community one of the largest catch phrases you will here is SSC, also known as Safe, Sane and Consensual. It is a security blanket approach to safety when playing and negotiation of play. As a submissive, you have a lot of responsibility to keep yourself safe and well.
A Submissive Approach to Safe, Sane and Consensual Read More »
You’ve met the perfect person; they are strict and charming, their dominance is a perfect compliment to your submission. There is just one hang-up. They are shorter than you, or they could be smaller in stature than you. Could there be an issue with your ability to submit to someone that can’t overpower you physically
Help! My Dom is smaller than me! Read More »
Aftercare is an important part of recovery from play for many people. It is most common to experience a drop in emotions and energy after play from within hours to even days later. All too often it becomes a necessity to take care of yourself after a play session because your top was just visiting
Caring for Yourself After a Scene: Self-Aftercare Read More »
UPDATE: I have written further on this topic. Please check out Why You Should Know the Truth About Topping from the Bottom and Feeding His Dominance is Not Topping from Below. Topping from the bottom is a misunderstood term in BDSM, especially if you are a novice. The idea behind the term is to help submissives understand their
5 Ways to Recognize Topping from the Bottom Read More »
Your training history is the catalog of the past relationships that you have had within a D/s dynamic. You will be documenting the training you received and list the basic development that you can recall being part of your service. If you have a long history with many dominants this could take awhile and be
As a point of personal opinion, I’d like to define the differences between very basic terms so that there is no confusion as to who I am referring to when I mention either of these terms. I write this guide in my perspective and provide my mentorship and guidance with these terms clearly defined for
The Differences Between Bottom, Masochist, Submissive and Slave Read More »
Maintaining a clean home can take on a life of its own. There is only a small number of submissives that can live the dream of being an at home submissive. Most of us have outside jobs and families and commitments that leave the housework low on the priority list. My goal for you today
Create a Daily Cleaning Routine That Works Read More »
In the previous post about Wants and Needs we began to understand the importance of Needs for ourselves and our relationship. If you would like to go back and read The Importance of Needs to review, please do so. In this post, I’d like to talk about how to express your wants and needs with yourself and
How To Talk About Your Wants and Needs With Your Dominant Read More »
Do you think you have a good grasp of good manners and etiquette? We all know someone as an adult that has horrible manners and no etiquette. Learning basic manners is usually done as soon as children can understand you. The ones most pressed upon them are ‘sharing and taking turns’, ‘no staring’, and ‘please
Emily Post Is Right: Basic Manners and Etiquette That Are Useful To Your Submission Read More »
In the previous post about wants and needs you made a list of your wants and a list of your needs so that you had them defined for your training resume. In this essay, I will share why needs are so important to your overall health and happiness in a relationship and why settling for less than
What Everybody Ought To Know About Basic Needs and Need Deficits Read More »
Submission has been called a gift. It has been said to be a natural characteristic. Submission is also a choice. When I first entered the lifestyle, no one would have mistaken me for a submissive. I am strong willed, commanding and independent. I have a dominant personality. Nature, society and the way I was brought
Submission By Choice: Learned Submission Read More »
“It’s so hard to find someone in the Lifestyle that I’m compatible with. You are so lucky to have found someone.” I don’t know how many times I hear this on a daily basis when conversing. It always brings up my view on the whole dating atmosphere within the Lifestyle. Yes, it is hard to
Finding a Compatible Partner in the Lifestyle Read More »
When you start exploring BDSM, you should equip yourself with a few foundational tools so that every experience is as safe and consensual as it can be. BDSM can push your physical, mental, and emotional boundaries, but there is always a need for a “safety net.” That’s where safewords come in. A BDSM safeword is
Your Essential Guide to BDSM Safewords Read More »
A training resume is just another name for a folder where you are going to start keeping your list of training achieved, history and important documents. Much like the training folders mentioned in The Marketplace series by Laura Antoniou you can build a file on yourself to offer your current or future dominant partner(s). Throughout the course
Beginning Your Submissive Training Resume: A Personal Development Tool Read More »
You may have been bathing yourself since you were 5 or 6, but if you haven’t changed your bathing routine since then, you may want to consider growing up and learning an adult way to bathe. Each person may have cleaning preferences and this is to be just a guideline and recommendation for bathing and
Preparing Your Body for Service: Your Bathing Routine Read More »
Continuing the Wants and Needs Series, this essay is about knowing the difference between wants and needs. If you would like to read the previous essay, please read “ Know What You Want, Learn What You Need.” The difference between wants and needs can be answered in one basic question. Is this something you can live
An Exercise to Help You Distinguish Between Wants and Needs Read More »
When someone becomes a submissive for the first time and finds a dominant the first words I generally hear them say is that they like being of service or they like serving. When asked what it is about service that they enjoy it tends to boil down to sex and play. There is far more
The Real Meaning Behind Service and Serving as a Submissive Read More »
Submissives all over seem to know what they want out of a relationship; it’s always present in their minds: the play, the sex, the love, or the strictness of dominance. Wants are very valid to the happiness in your life, but more important are the needs. When you think of needs, the list seems to
How to Identify Your Submissive Wants and Needs Read More »
