Continuing on the topic of processing pain we come to a very basic question, “What’s the benefit of this pain, anyway?” If you aren’t a masochist this can be a question with no clear answer. Some say, “it is part of submission,” others “to please their Sadistic Top,” and still others can say, “the benefits […]
Processing Pain in Play: What is the Benefit of Pain, Anyway? Read More »
This is a continuing of the series on pain processing. If you want to read previous essays, check the first in the series on natural pain processing. Pain processing is natural to a certain extent. For some people—boys more than girls—an additional degree of pain processing is taught from a very early age, but not always
Processing Pain in Play: Learning a Processing Technique Read More »
We are nearing the end of this series on pain processing in play. What do you think can interrupt your pain processing ability? If you’ve experienced anything like I have, there are moments where you just can’t change the pain response to anything beyond pain. What normally feels really good is just not. There are
Processing Pain in Play: What Can Interrupt or Block Pain Processing? Read More »
I’m continuing the discussion on processing pain in play today. If you missed yesterday’s post, you’ll want to read about Negative Pain Management Techniques first. If you want to go back to the beginning you can do that too. Now that we’ve learned the negative ways we manage pain during play I’d like to cover a couple of the
Processing Pain in Play: Positive Pain Management Techniques Read More »
Yesterday we talked about the three ways that people naturally process pain. Today and tomorrow I’m going to cover the ways we manage the pain we experience. I’m going to stick with describing the pain that we experience during play for this discussion. Now, part of these posts will talk about the benefits from play that
Processing Pain in Play: Negative Pain Management Techniques Read More »
Sadomasochism is the giving and receiving of sensations. In a lot of cases, this also includes pain. Many of the sadomasochistic tendencies bleed into our relationships in some form or other so what better discussion than to talk about processing pain. Over the next week, we’ll cover what the natural pain process is, pain management techniques, how
Processing Pain in Play: What is the Natural Process? Read More »
When you’ve decided to venture out on a blind date with a prospective Dominant you’ll likely want to set up a safe call. A safe call is someone that is aware you are on a date, who you are with and what to do if you don’t call on time. It’s a check in, plain
5 Things to Give Your Safe Call Person Before You Go On That Kinky Date Read More »
You want to start attending the events in your local community but their dress code is “Fetish Wear Only.” How do you dress for these events without spending insane amounts of money and still look great? Fetish wear can be a lot of things but it’s usually clothing you wouldn’t wear out in the real
Building Your Fetish Wardrobe on a Budget Read More »
I can’t say that everyone gets into trouble without admitting that I get into trouble so here goes. I get into trouble. Not regularly or habitually, but sometimes. I’m in trouble right now in fact. Some of my punishment completed but I have a few weeks of “no pop” to get through yet. As a
You’ve Been a Bad Submissive: Learn How to Atone and Forgive Yourself Read More »
I know I say I use FetLife for a lot of my ideas on things to write about, and it’s true. There are many novices on there and the multitude of questions and topics that come up help me generate a lot of thoughts that I can put into words, opinions and hopefully helpful advice
There Is No Such Thing as Vanilla Life When You Are 24/7 Read More »
I know that if you spend any amount of time online in kink related social networks or chat rooms you will encounter the following person a time or two. This person identifies as sub and through their writing, you notice they treat every single Dominant as if they are serving them. Whether it be by
False Submission: Insta-Subs Online Read More »
I’ve not experienced a D/s breakup and I hope I will never have to, but I have experienced heartache and divorce so I’m drawing my experience of those to write this post. I do hope that it will help those of you going through the painful time from the realization of the end and through
The Heartache of a Breakup: Recovering from a BDSM Relationship Ending Read More »
Books are a wonderful way to learn on your own about BDSM, submission, sex and all the other activities you can explore. But who wants to carry a BDSM book onto the bus? Kindle (and other readers) are an excellent way to hide your book choices and still bring them all with you. I’ve loved
BDSM Books You Can Get on Kindle Read More »
When a BDSM novice comes to me to ask for advice I like to refer them to a few blogs that I enjoy who tell it like it is. A blog written by someone living and exploring a kink lifestyle is a valuable resource. What makes it difficult for any novice is that there are
Failing to Find a Good BDSM Education Online Read More »
I’m always amazed at the number of submissives that contact me who are in online-only relationships; even though that is how I started with KnyghtMare. An online relationship is unique in that you are connecting with each other emotionally and mentally before physical attraction has a chance to impact your decisions. Just the other day
Am I Ready to Go from Online Submission to Real Life? Read More »
A friend asked me the other day what was necessary in a D/s or TPE relationship in order to make it fulfilling for me. It was quite an interesting question and one I’d like to answer here. First things first; a TPE or Total Power Exchange is where the submissive has surrendered all control to
The Bare Necessities of a Total Power Exchange Relationship Read More »
As submissives we tend to need to be reminded what we are doing to improve our lives and to give credit for success and progress no matter how small we may perceive it. This new project will help correct that I hope. The following questions are to be used as prompts for you to think
How The Honor Notebook Will Help You Focus on The Good in Your D/s Relationship Read More »
I’m still amazed at how many novices on FetLife and in my inbox ask me how to talk to their Dominant to ask for what they want or need. Others fail at open communication at all or have had issues with their Dominant because they are keeping things from them. I don’t know about you,
How to Talk to Your Dominant About Your Needs and Desires While Submissive Read More »
When someone says they have a mentor and that they are learning so much from them I’m happy for them. That is until they start saying that they are having sex with their mentor, or that they play intensely with them. It goes against everything I ever learned about mentors and rubs me wrong and
To be honest I never gave faith much thought when I discovered I was kinky. I had been drifting away from organized religion for years, but when I read on a blog (which I can’t recall now) that someone was having to come to terms with her Christianity and desires for kink/submission it made me
You Are Not Going To Hell: My Personal Thoughts on Balancing Christianity and Kink Read More »
