Every semester I present a BDSM panel at my alma mater for the Human Sexuality class. I’ve been doing it for almost 8 years now and it doesn’t appear to be ending any time soon. The teacher always asks for me to pull some people together and says that he gets a lot of excellent […]
Talking About BDSM to Vanilla Folk: What to Say and What to Avoid Read More »
In my first few months of submission, I was asked about my ideal relationship by a Dominant friend of mine. It’s something that I still ask novice submissives when they come to me asking how to find a Dominant that they are compatible with. My answer reflected ignorance and misunderstanding. I believed that my ideal
Who Has the Greatest Responsibility in a D/s Relationship? Read More »
Within weeks of the realization that I wanted to be more than a kinky bed partner, I made the personal definitions of submissive and slave. Since then, over 7 years ago they have changed only slightly. So little that I had decided that based on my definitions I could never and would never be a
Why I Used to Believe I Could Never Be a Slave Read More »
It’s been awhile since I’ve done a refresher on the basics of BDSM. If you are just finding this site, I hope that the wealth of information you see will help you understand yourself and the world in which you are curious. For novices, the word BDSM is a huge scary word. For the experienced,
What Is BDSM All About? Read More »
The excitement of a new D/s relationship is often the first thing that a novice submissive seeks. How else are they going to learn about play, and submission than in a relationship, they might reason. There is a better, more prepared way than jumping into a relationship with someone before you are ready. Taking the
Know Thyself, Don’t Rush Into a Relationship Until You Know These Six Things Read More »
When I started my journey into submission, my perceptions of what a submissive was were very shallow and incomplete. I believed being submissive was a passive personality trait, and it didn’t require much ‘work.’ That passivity encouraged the laziness I had fostered in my previous marriage. Now, I’m far more aware that a submissive is
Learning Good Observation Skills for Better Submissive Awareness Read More »
It’s happened to the best of us. You and your partner got a little frisky the other day and now you have a few bruises that haven’t faded yet. Your Doctor’s appointment is this afternoon, what do you do? First of all, don’t panic. Then, don’t cancel your appointment until you have read this post.
Going to the Doctor with Kink-Related Marks or Bruises Read More »
Dirty talk can unlock deeper connections and sizzling pleasure in your relationship. Explore this beginner’s guide to overcome fears, learn tips, and master sexy talk in the bedroom.
Moans, Groans, and Beyond: A Beginner’s Guide to Dirty Talk Read More »
In today’s instant culture, the information we want to find can be discovered with just a click of the mouse. It’s fantastic for the kink community because that means more people are discovering this part of themselves earlier and are jumping in with both feet at times. What’s dangerous is that more and more information
Making Assumptions: Try to Learn Everything and Make Sure Your Partner Knows Too Read More »
Recently in the chat room here on Submissive Guide, there has been a discussion about emotional dependence on our Dominants and the relationship. Just about every relationship has to have interdependence in order to thrive. After all, if we continue to maintain an independent life there’s really no development of a relationship is there? In
Emotional Dependency in D/s Relationships Read More »
Presented with the dilemma of being outspoken, independent and strong-willed when submissive desires crop up, what do you do? Are these personality traits incompatible? I’m here (and living proof) that no, they are not. You can be all of these things and still be submissive. A Dominant friend of mine explained it best, “You’re a strong submissive
Strong-Willed and Opinionated: Can I be Submissive? Read More »
There is some recent discussion of “breaking a slave” going on on the popular social network, FetLife right now. I’m watching it spread across the groups that I’m in and thought I’d not chip into those discussions but share my thoughts and opinions on it right here. These are not the only interpretations and I
What Does “Breaking a Slave” Mean? Read More »
Before I entered a D/s relationship masturbation was a regular recreational activity for me. It was also private. Even when I was married I didn’t masturbate in front of him or let him know when I was taking care of myself. It just wasn’t something I shared. Neither did he. And then I committed myself
How Masturbation Changed in My D/s Relationship Read More »
So you’ve discovered kink and want to try some things out. You talk to your partner about it. Unfortunately, no matter how you suggest things to your partner they aren’t interested. They are really vanilla. It may be obvious that I’m not talking about the ice cream flavor here, but if you are really a
“Safe spaces require that we appreciate and respect the vulnerability of others and grace it with our own.” – Christen Killick Good communication is the cornerstone for a great relationship, whether in a Dominant/submissive dynamic or not. When you’ve been at this for a while, you don’t have to think much about it because it
Creating a Safe Space: Enhancing Communication in D/s Relationships Read More »
The world is full of automatic responses that people use to common questions. One of the most common questions among submissives is “Why do you submit?” and what’s the response 9 times out of 10? “To please him.” Sure it’s a selfless response, but is it always the best answer and perhaps not the most
Why “Pleasing Him” Isn’t Always Good Enough Read More »
I’ve been struggling with my submission recently. It’s been a difficult and painful experience for both KnyghtMare and myself. I’ve been resisting my natural desires to serve and obey and become questioning and testy. As I try to say as much as possible, I’m not a perfect submissive and I have issues like many of
How Making a Cup of Coffee Centers Me Read More »
The reality of long-distance relationships, or any non-live-in relationship, is that you will have to handle periods of absence. It’s a painful and bitter reminder that you are not together and that your desires for each other have to go unquenched. But that doesn’t mean you can’t get through them with a few coping techniques.
Handling Absence in a Long-Distance Relationship Read More »
Every day I’m exposed to or learn about another kink or fetish that I was not aware of. It’s a wonderful and fascinating experience that continues to expand my education and curiosity. Just as when we were very young and asked our parents, “what’s that?” constantly, I’m like a child growing and developing opinions on
Your Kink is Not My Kink and That’s Okay Read More »
In the fall of 2006, my relationship with KnyghtMare was on the rocks. I was battling with submission and what it meant for my life with him. He was changing and growing more into his role. I think that we clashed because we just weren’t prepared for the changes in each other. I got in
When He Removes The Collar: The 3 R’s to Get You Back on Your Feet Read More »
