When a novice submissive first learn about BDSM or D/s power exchange it can be a scary place. The first thing I like to help these novices learn is about safety mantras, particularly the widely accepted Safe, Sane and Consensual or SSC. What is SSC? It’s a credo that people in the BDSM community use
Personal Safety Mantra: Safe Sane and Consensual (SSC) Read More »
Just because a person also loves having sex while rolling in jello does not mean they are compatible with you. That’s right, I just said it. You’ve searched the world over for someone interested in the same kinky things you are and when you found one, I’m telling you to hold it right there a
A Person is Not Their Kink: Jumping Into Bed With the Wrong Person Read More »
When we learn about pain processing in relation to play and scenes with our sadist partner it’s always a good idea to understand negative processing methods. The things that make handling pain and enjoying longer sessions harder and sometimes impossible. Hopefully, you’ve learned about your own negative methods in the previous video. Today we’ll talk
Learning About Positive Pain Processing Methods Read More »
You’re sitting at your computer (or tablet, or phone) right now and have wondered for some time about going to a BDSM munch or a party or convention but are afraid that you don’t fit into the image you have in your head of who really is into BDSM. You’ve seen the porn on Kink.com
You Don’t Have to Be a Porn Star or Fashion Model to Participate in BDSM Read More »
Whenever I frequent online groups, a common theme in them is telling the person asking a question to not be a doormat. Rarely do we ever get a description of what a doormat submissive is or how to prevent becoming one (or even if the person is actually a doormat submissive). There are many misconceptions of what
8 Ways You Might Be a “Doormat” Submissive and How to Stop Read More »
I’ve been in relationships before. I know how they should work, or at least I think I do. Sometimes I wonder if everyone has forgotten how things are supposed to work just because they are in a D/s relationship instead of a vanilla one. Many of the questions on social networking for kinky people stems
4 Things You Should Not Put Up With Just Because They Are a Dominant Read More »
If you ask any sadist what they enjoy out of pain play, it’s likely going to be watching the bottom respond to the pain. The more response, the higher the enjoyment for the top. Why is this important? Well, if the method of pain management doesn’t allow you to respond well to the pain, then
Learning About Negative Pain Processing Methods Read More »
“I want my Dominant to spank me more.” “How can I tell him I need more praise and approval without topping from the bottom?” “I need more attention, how can I tell him without being pushy?” “Can I tell him I love him and still be submissive? “How do I tell him that my needs
How To Ask for More Without Being a Pushy Submissive Read More »
KnyghtMare and I get lost in romance sometimes. The love we have for each other manifests in affection, mushy moments where we can only say how much we love each other and that overwhelming sense of joy that comes from a strong romance. For us romance is a part of our M/s relationship. Without knowing
What a Romantic Dominant/submissive Relationship Looks Like Read More »
Everyone you meet has different methods for how they handle pain. Think about the last time your stubbed your toe. How did you respond to the pain? Did you jump up and down? Curse? Cry? Hold your breath? Walk it off? How you handle pain is a result of nature and nurture. Perhaps as you
Understanding Natural Pain Processing Techniques for Better BDSM Play Read More »
As a novice looking for a relationship it is a good thing to know if discipline and punishment are something you are looking for. The punishment I’m talking about today is the correction for infractions, or getting into trouble. It’s not about the playtime activities which can be called punishment also. So, thinking about your
Why A Punishment Dynamic May be Just What You Need Read More »
Originally published April 9, 2011 on Fearless Press when I was a guest author there. From an early age, I would look into the mirror and see only the things I wish I could change; from the dimple in my chin, my growing belly and fat arms to my round face, huge jiggly ass. Then I didn’t
Seeing a Desirable Me: Learning Body Confidence through the Fingers of a Lover Read More »
You are in trouble and waiting for corporal punishment. You are anxious, sad, depressed, frustrated about the whole thing but you know that you did something wrong and need to atone for it to get on the right path again. No one likes getting punished (at least you shouldn’t), so what happens if, as the
What to Do When Punishment Starts to Feel Good Read More »
People often misunderstand how relationship communication works because they may have had such poor examples or think that coercing or manipulating someone is par for the course. You don’t want to tease someone, push them to get angry or jealous with you in hopes that the ensuing fight ends with hot and steamy makeup sex
Five Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Manipulate Your Vanilla Man into Being a Dominant Read More »
Today’s newsletter is going to be a light and fun one, I hope. I’ve done some work to find jokes and funny stories with a BDSM or sexual slant to them. Not everything we do in BDSM is serious. Here’s a story, told by my Master KnyghtMare. It’s a true story. The AC Was Broken…
Humor in BDSM – Jokes, Funny Tales, and When the AC Was Broken Read More »
I’ve noticed a lot of questions in FetLife recently (and almost always) about how to maintain the mindset in a 24/7 relationship. I’ve not responded to these there because I’ve created this article as my reply. The advice that the people have received may or may not help them. My thoughts on the subject are
The Myth of the 24/7 Submissive Mindset (and Why So Many of Us Struggle) Read More »
I often get the question about how I can be submissive all the time, that I must have other responsibilities that should take precedence on occasion and submission is often turned off. I can understand where these questions are coming from but for me, submission isn’t what I do, it’s who I am. It’s much
Everyone Needs a Break, Right – Do you Break from Submission? Read More »
Ever since the advent of the Internet, people have been hooking up via technology. A whole new world opened up for people who were shy, not a part of a smaller community or felt like they couldn’t find a date anywhere. For many people who date online, they will say that being anonymous and looking
Write an Online BDSM Dating Profile That Gets Results! Read More »
Read the entire series – go back to the Introduction of the 30 Days of Submission! Is your need to submit being met? If not, or if your situation changed, do you think that you could continue in your life and still be happy/content if you were never able to express your submission in the
30 Days of Submission: Day 30 – What Makes Submission Special? Read More »
Read the entire series – go back to the Introduction of the 30 Days of Submission! Is pain or humiliation (spankings for example) a part of your submission? What is your relationship to it? Do you embrace it as a part of your submission, tolerate it as necessary or have some other type of relationship
30 Days of Submission: Day 29 – BDSM in the Relationship Read More »
