Luna Carruthers, founder of Submissive Guide

Manners, Etiquette and Appropriateness When Interacting with People in the BDSM Scene

By Luna Carruthers / 4 minutes of reading

One thing I learned while putting together the Guide to Your First Munch was that when someone goes to a meeting for kinky people, with the idea that they are entering a whole new world, they think that all the courtesies and manners they learned before are somehow no longer extinct. People often ask me how they […]

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I’m a Secret From My Dominant’s Wife(Separated) and I Don’t Like It

By Luna Carruthers / 3 minutes of reading

Yes, I had been in this lifestyle with the same Master going on six years now. I had just find out where he works, phone number etc. But I have not met anyone in his family or his friends. I am kept a secret and he is separated from his wife. He said to me

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I Need More Rules, But I Don’t Know What to Suggest

By Luna Carruthers / 4 minutes of reading

I told my Dom I needed more to do, as far rules, responsibilities etc.. what are some good things for me to do?? We both work full-time but I need routine..any suggestions? He’s asking me to give Him examples and I have nothing.. thank you!! –Lovenvrdies Dear Lovenvrdies, Are you sure you need him to

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How can I teach my boyfriend about kink without affecting the dynamic?

By Luna Carruthers / 2 minutes of reading

Question: My bf is vanilla, but he’s interested in the lifestyle. I have the experience to teach him, but I’m a sub. How do I educate him without affecting the power balance or offending him? First off—congratulations! Not only do you have a partner who is curious and willing to learn, but you also have

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Using Your Safeword Is Not a Sign of Failure

By Luna Carruthers / 3 minutes of reading

When learning about personal safety and BDSM you likely hear the word safeword more than once. A safeword is used as a last resort when you need the play you are engaged in to end. But there’s an unintentional negative stigma surrounding using your safeword that needs to be understood. You are not a failure if

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Is He Ignoring Me or Has He Moved On?

By Luna Carruthers / 3 minutes of reading

Dear LunaKM I am a novice sub who found her first Master about a 5 weeks ago. We live about 200 miles apart and have mainly instant messaged, telephoned and skyped. About 3 weeks ago we met for the first time and it was wonderful. He asked for my submission about a week into the

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It’s Okay to be New – Exploring and Learning as a Novice Submissive

By Luna Carruthers / 4 minutes of reading

Oftentimes, the first lines of an email to me or an opening thread in a discussion group go something like this; “I’m new and am nervous to ask these silly questions so be nice to me.” “I’m really embarrassed to ask since I’m so new, but…” “I’m new to the lifestyle and overwhelmed with all

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Calling Him Sir Should Mean Something, Right?

By Luna Carruthers / 2 minutes of reading

I have been in a D/s relationship for eight months, but he has a problem with moving forward, asking three things of me. Kneeling when he comes in, being naked, and calling him Sir. Calling him Sir, I have a hard time doing all the time. I feel that I want to know how he

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How To Approach Female Dominants on FetLife

By Luna Carruthers / 4 minutes of reading

Dear Annie, Well my question is quite simple. I’m a submissive crossdresser from the UK, and have been dressing for many years now. One of the main reasons I dress is because I have a very strong submissive side, and many of the fetishes to go along with that. My question is simple, I have

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Consent is Key: SSC and RACK

By Luna Carruthers / 5 minutes of reading

The Birth of Safe, Sane and Consensual Historically, David Stein is the person who first coined the phrase in 1983 for the Gay Male SM Activists Group that he co-founded. It was then used as the slogan in the SM Rights contingent of the Gay Rights march to the capital in 1987. That’s right, the

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My Dominant Breaks Down When Punishing Me

By Luna Carruthers / 3 minutes of reading

I’ve been with my Master for almost a year now 24/7. At first, it was very gentle stuff; spanking, a slap here and there, rough sex, light bondage (Do to I am emotionally/physically weak). But over the last month or so it’s been escalating. He’s “Punishing” me now for even the smallest out of step

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How Do I Tell My Family that I’m Committing to My Dominant?

By Luna Carruthers / 2 minutes of reading

Dear lunaKM, I would like some advice on how to tell my family and my children who are teenagers that I am committing myself to my Dom. I have been a single Mother for many years and live in a very rural area. My Dom and I have been in a long distance relationship for

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Go Listen to lunaKM’s Interview on Erotic Awakening Podcast

By Luna Carruthers / 1 minute of reading

During Mischief in May, a local BDSM conference, I got the chance to sit down with Dan and dawn Williams, authors of Living M/s: A Book for Masters, Slaves and Their Relationships and hosts of Erotic Awakening Podcast (among many other wonderful things). Today that podcast went live! We talk about Submissive Guide, how it got started, what my focus

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How Do You Get Your Dominant To Lean On You For Help and Support?

By Luna Carruthers / 2 minutes of reading

HOW do you get a Dominant Master to lean on you!? They think they have to be Strong and Masterly all the time (even when you remind them you are their slave to serve them and hear their worries) so when they need help they won’t go to you, their slave, even though a slave

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Is He Doing This Just For Me?

By Luna Carruthers / 3 minutes of reading

Dear lunaKM, I have been in a vanilla relationship for quite some time and lately, we’ve been trying out sub/dom. I’m a sub but not only in the bedroom. I like to be told what to do and punished if I don’t complete them. I’m the kind of person that needs that punishment because I

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Where To Go to Find a Kinky or D/s Partner: The Big List

By Luna Carruthers / 3 minutes of reading

I think the most frequent question on every novices lip is, “where do I go to find people, partners, and relationships now that I’ve found kink and D/s?” It’s a huge hurdle to get over and something that everyone seeks. A partner. A lover. A relationship. It’s not as easy as going down to your

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How to Initiate Play and Sex While Remaining Submissive

By Luna Carruthers / 3 minutes of reading

Hi I need some help, please. I am in a relationship, have been with him for over 2 years. In the bedroom he has always been dominant, I am submissive by nature, and until recently when we discussed our relationship I thought we were doing things that satisfied both of us. At new years we

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How Do I Know If I Can I Make it In This Lifestyle?

By Luna Carruthers / 4 minutes of reading

I was curious about BDSM before I knew what it was. I knew I liked being spanked, being told what to do, etc. I started looking into BDSM but haven’t mentioned it to my boyfriend of 3.5 years because I’m afraid he’ll think I’m a weird, for lack of a better word. Although he knows

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Make Your Own Step-by-Step Guide for a Scene

By Luna Carruthers / 2 minutes of reading

Hi! My partner and I are both fairly inexperienced in D/s, and we haven’t quite got the hang of how to do a scene. As she says; “I can tie you up alright, but then what?” It’s hard for her to know what to do, and it’s hard for me to know exactly what I

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How Do I Let Him Know I’d Like Some Attention?

By Luna Carruthers / 3 minutes of reading

Dear LunaKM I am fairly new to the Dom/s relationship and have talked to a Dom online texts and but the phone. I am having trouble with understanding all the dynamics and was so relieved to find your site, thank u by the way. Here’s my question … He requests a morning text and a

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