charmed-blyss, Author at Submissive Guide

Uprooting Self-Sabotaging Behaviors: Learning How to Make Changes that Stick

There are many relationships both inside and outside of the Lifestyle that exist under undue strain and eventually crumble under the weight of the behaviors that are a result of self-sabotage, and all too often these habitual patterns aren’t recognized though they are repeated with great frequency. A cycle of strife is perpetuated year in […]

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Obedience: A Covenant of Submission

By charmed-blyss / 5 minutes of reading

As I continue to delve deeper into my journey as a slave, I have come to the point where I am giving another round of contemplation to matters I once saw as pretty straightforward – one being the matter of the connection between submission and obedience in regards to hierarchical relationships. There seems to be

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To Be or Not To Be – Poly, Mono, Mono-Poly Flexible

By charmed-blyss / 6 minutes of reading

At some point in our community participation we will come face to face with the question of poly vs. monogamy. Even if it’s a fleeting thought of wondering if either is better for our personal relationships, we’re still confronted with the possibility. I think that even in examining the possibility it can force us to

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‘Innocently’ Outing Fellow Lifestylers

By charmed-blyss / 4 minutes of reading

I’ll never forget during my first few months of being involved in the Lifestyle community, I ran into someone who frequented my back-then place of employment at a local play party. Personally, it didn’t faze me any at all due to my thinking – we’re at the same place pretty much for the same reason,

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Aging in the Lifestyle: Doing it with Grace

By charmed-blyss / 7 minutes of reading

When I first came to the community, I, as well as others like me, was a bit of a unicorn. During that time, it wasn’t the norm to see younger people in the community – younger as in under 36 or so. Most of the people I knew were 40+, and there I was in

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Busyness, Why Do We Think It Adds Value?

By charmed-blyss / 4 minutes of reading

This isn’t one of my usual posts that have some sort of resolution in the conclusion because this is something I’m working through and this post is created at least in part as a portion of the out-working. With this in mind, I’m looking forward to your feedback in the comments! This is something that’s

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M/s and When Life Happens: Dealing With Health Challenges and Death

By charmed-blyss / 9 minutes of reading

When we imagine an ideal world, it’s pretty safe to say that for most of us, that perfect world wouldn’t include illness, disabilities, and death. Everyone would have bodies that are strong, capable, and able to do any and all activities the heart desires. On this side of creation, that type of world doesn’t exist,

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M/s and When Life Happens: Unexpected Happenings

By charmed-blyss / 7 minutes of reading

Over the past few months, my life has been a whirlwind of obligations, setbacks, injuries, working with an aging parent, and apparently an abundance of emails… ‘Life happened’ all over my perfectly scheduled routine and pristinely managed emotions. In the vanilla world ‘life’ is expected to happen – meaning, we expect the unexpected because that’s

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Finding Love in the D/s Lifestyle

By charmed-blyss / 6 minutes of reading

The topic of love in regards to Lifestyle relationships is usually a pretty hot topic. Everyone has an opinion, thought, rule, or feeling about it. After hearing so much about love, the newcomer may end up a bit confused. After all, in the vanilla world, especially in Western culture, love is a really big deal.

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Master/slave Relationships in Black and White

By charmed-blyss / 6 minutes of reading

It’s not uncommon for a black person entering the Lifestyle to wonder, is it acceptable for me as a black woman (or man) to have or serve a white Master? The short answer to this question is – yeah! We all can pursue the dynamics that we desire with whom we desire. But there’s obviously far more to unpack

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A Key To Slave Bliss: Contentment

By charmed-blyss / 5 minutes of reading

A few weeks ago, there was a vanilla event that I had the opportunity to volunteer with. It seemed like hundreds of people poured into the building to hear the speaker. There were some key points that he covered, but the one that stood out to me the most was that of contentment. He said

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Below the Mood of Blue: One Girl’s Experience With Depression

By charmed-blyss / 7 minutes of reading

Disclaimer: Though this post deals with depression and suicide, please note that blyss is not a mental health professional, this article isn’t written to diagnose or outline professional treatment for any mental illness. A short list of suggested reading and resources will be provided at the end of the post. If you are having thoughts

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Back Off Bitches! Feeling Territorial and Jealousy as a Slave

By charmed-blyss / 5 minutes of reading

There are probably two very sensitive and deeply moving confessions that a slave could make – admitting to being territorial and/or jealous. These demons are a complete terror and have visited many relationships since the beginning of time. In order to move about freely and enjoy the fruits of a healthy M/s relationship, they need

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That Anxious Space from the Petition to the Collar

By charmed-blyss / 5 minutes of reading

In the post Single in the Scene Part IV: Petitioning, I address the matter of presenting a petition to a potential Master. However, I didn’t fully address that space between the time of presenting the petition and (hopefully) the collar, at least not at length. But, this can be one of the most trying times for

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Obedience: A Slavey Meditation

By charmed-blyss / 3 minutes of reading

Recently I heard something in the midst of a talk about obedience that just made me stop and really think for a moment – and I mean deep thought too! Delayed obedience becomes immediate disobedience; partial obedience is complete disobedience. Yes, my mind had to reflect on the matter of obedience. Honestly, I can’t say

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Note To Self: Selfish Pride Comes Before A Fall

By charmed-blyss / 4 minutes of reading

Pride, Merriam-Webster: Pride is a slippery emotion that I believe many a slave deal with, even if we don’t recognize it. I’m not talking about the feeling of elation and accomplishment after a job well done or when we’ve been recognized and given kudos. But, there is this thing; this lapse in judgment that many

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Single In the Scene Part VIII: Transformation Happens

By charmed-blyss / 7 minutes of reading

There’s going to come to a point, I pray, that the single slave will be not so single and will be heading towards being owned. So for the last message in this series, I thought I’d talk about releasing the fear of transformation. There’s a song from the late 80’s “Don’t Make Me Over” by

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Single in the Scene VII: The Unaccompanied slave

By charmed-blyss / 6 minutes of reading

During this past MsC (the Master/slave Conference) in September, there was a discussion about being an unowned slave at an event and the downside of such. And before then, I had participated in a discussion on FetLife – more of an open dialogue between the owned and the unowned about the tension between the two

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Single In The Scene Part VI: Vulnerability

By charmed-blyss / 7 minutes of reading

I’m of the opinion that there are many slaves who are unowned for one reason: fear of being vulnerable. The way relationships tend to flow in the vanilla world vulnerability isn’t a necessity to maintain the relationship. Usually most are not surrendering to their partners and both tend to rest assured that they are equals

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Single in the Scene Part V: The Truth about Singlehood

By charmed-blyss / 8 minutes of reading

This is kinda pithy, so please hang in there! In this series thus far, I’ve done my absolute best to keep it positive. Maybe in some ways, I’ve managed to gloss over the ‘truth of singlehood’ of a slave, which in a way slightly misses the mark of my desire which is to help those

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