One of the things that baffled me the most when I moved in with Chief was how quickly our place ended up in shambles. I felt like I was cleaning it fairly regularly, but there was always something to do! The laundry, the dishes, the bathroom, the floors, the clutter – it was constant, and […]
Getting My Home Together – A Cleaning and Organizing Purge Read More »
Sometimes you’re not fully in the mood for kinky sex—and that’s okay. This article explores sexual compromise in BDSM, how to recognize when your body and mind aren’t aligned, and ways to communicate honestly with your partner while still honoring your boundaries and your own sexual needs.
Sexual Compromise: When You’re Only A Little Horny Read More »
An abusive childhood has made me incredibly prone to feeling guilty. Someone else can drop a glass and shatter it and I will twist the situation in my mind in such a way that I caused that to happen – it is my fault that the glass broke. I absorb that persons guilt as my
Channeling Guilt with Housework Read More »
In every single article I write, I stress the importance of communication, so you would think that I practice as I preach and work really hard to include communication in my relationship. And truth is, I do try, but I have realized that open and honest communication with a partner can only happen when I
Opening Communication with Myself Read More »
A common topic of conversation among my friends is that after several years with their partners, their sex life becomes stale. The pizzazz and excitement of sex dissipates over time as you exhaust many of the sexual options that you have and learn how to work your partner’s body. Sex becomes mundane and more of
4 Ways to Reignite Passion When You Are Suffering From Stale Sex Read More »
Getting back into BDSM is harder than getting into it in the first place. This sounds counterintuitive – you know the safewords and one another’s fetishes, you’ve done your research, you just took a little break. Turns out that little break for a few months actually has a major impact on your kink relationship. For
Getting Back Into The Game: Returning to Kink After a Break Read More »
My partner and I just went through the strenuous process of apartment hunting and I realized along the way, that there are many similarities between apartment hunting and hunting for a compatible partner. These similarities are applicable both in vanilla and kinky relationships, but I believe, they are more pronounced in kink. When you begin
How Searching for a Compatible Partner is Like Apartment Hunting Read More »
Vagina. Pussy. Cunt. Twat. Poochy. Whoo-ha. Down there. We have a ton of words for the vagina, but the average person knows very little about this aspect of the human anatomy, which is pretty amazing considering how integral it is to your day-to-day life. So I figured that I would write an overview of information
A Discussion of Anatomy: The Vagina Read More »
This past winter I ran an educational event through the campus Women’s Center on BDSM in response to Fifty Shades of Grey. With the movie coming out I knew that people would be interested in the topic and consider trying it themselves and I wanted them to be safe about it. I covered the basics
Coming Out As Kinky: Food for Thought Read More »
BDSM is all about mutual respect between dominant and submissive, master and slave. If there is a lack of respect in either direction things are likely to deteriorate quickly. Part of respect is understanding that your partner is entitled to their own needs, wants, and opinions and that these are aspects of your partner that
There seems to be this very misguided idea that it is entirely acceptable for the dominant partner in a relationship to participate in aggressive play when they are angry, so long as it is referred to as a scene or as being kinky. I am going to tell you, on no uncertain terms that if your
When Play is No Longer Play: Recognizing Abuse in a BDSM Relationship Read More »
Trigger Warning: Blood play, cutting, blood and knives When I first filled out my BDSM checklist, I felt entirely insufficient. For every one activity that I really wanted to try, there were two that I said I never wanted to try. There seemed to be infinitely more zeros (which indicated hard limits) than threes (which
DIY: Knife & Blood Play Read More »
“Subbie Siblings – we either love or hate this phrase. While the lifestyle is unique to each of us, do we have things in common that set us aside from other women? Do we naturally form a close bond and a willingness to help, or are we just here selfishly to get what we can
Q&A: Subbie Siblings Read More »
In the last month or so I have begun to seek a mentor and have been approached about being a mentor myself, a position which I accepted. As these events unfolded, I experienced a lot of flak from the online community – why would a submissive need a mentor if she already has a Dom?
A Mentoring Checklist: What to Expect in a Mentor Read More »
Communication is key – I say it in every article, but it becomes no less true. Communication is imperative to any relationship, especially one in which your physical and mental health are at risk. This week I have had trouble. Master is very interested in entering into a poly-dynamic. While this initially sounded very attractive
Talking Even When Words Are Hard: Opening the Lines of Communication With Your Dominant Read More »
For whatever reason, it seems that many members of the BDSM community are in long-distance or temporarily long-distance relationships with our dominants. In some of the online forums I am a part of I regularly see submissives and babygirls freaking out in the days before their dominant arrives for a visit – as I am
How I Prepare for My Dominant’s Visit Read More »
I am an avid feminist. I believe in the equality of men and women in every way and I am not shy about voicing my opinion. I work for the campus women’s center promoting healthy relationships, anti-rape campaigns, and an awareness that the world is not as equal as many people like to pretend. I
How BDSM, SSC, and Feminism Work Together Read More »
The Holidays are coming, and they are coming up fast. I always feel like the entire month of November goes by in a blur. One moment we are donning our sexy cat costumes for Halloween and the next moment there are stockings on the mantle and children awaiting Santa. There is definitely a time warp
Stress and Santa: Managing Stressful Situations Around the Holidays Read More »
Sub drop is the feeling of hopelessness and depression that can follow the extreme rush of endorphins during intense play or sex if the sub is not cared for appropriately afterward. Care varies from person to person – some of us need to be held and cuddled and praised and iced or hot packed accordingly,
Sub Drop From Afar: Managing Sub Drop in a Long Distance Relationship Read More »
Growing up my parents were extremely physically and emotionally abusive. I moved out when I was thirteen, but I carried the previous abuse with me wherever I went. It made me cry when I detected the slightest amount of anger towards me, it made me shake and pull away when people waved their hands at
How S&M Saved My Life Read More »
