You’ve just received your first invitation to a BDSM play party, or maybe you’re finally ready to attend an open dungeon night at your local club. Exciting, right? And then, almost immediately, panic sets in: What on earth do I wear?
For many submissives (and really, anyone new to kink spaces), the question of attire feels like one of the biggest hurdles. After all, what we wear can deeply affect how confident and comfortable we feel, and the right outfit can help you step into your submissive mindset long before the first flogger ever swings.
Let’s talk about how to choose what to wear to a play party, how to navigate dress codes, and how to find something that lets you feel sexy, confident, and authentically you.
Step 1: Understand the Type of Event You’re Attending
Not all play parties are alike, and that matters when it comes to your outfit. A few quick details will guide your choices:
- Public vs. Private:
Public or club-based parties often have dress codes to balance safety and aesthetics. You might see “fetish wear or all black,” or “no street clothes beyond the lobby.” Private parties, on the other hand, may be more relaxed—or have themes you’ll want to honor. - Dress at the Venue or Arrive Dressed?
Some dungeons require you to change once inside for discretion and safety. Others allow you to arrive in your chosen outfit. Always ask in advance—showing up in latex at a family-friendly café next door is not the kind of attention you want to draw. - Theme or Special Nights:
“Lingerie & Lace,” “Rubber & Rope,” or “Uniform Night” may call for specific attire. Even if you’re not decked out head-to-toe, a small themed accent (like a leather cuff or a silk tie) goes a long way.
Step 2: Read the Dress Code Carefully
Most established dungeons or clubs post their rules online or in event listings. Common phrasing you might see:
- “Dress to impress—fetish wear encouraged.”
- “No full nudity outside play spaces.”
- “No street clothes or blue jeans unless part of a fetish look.”
If you’re ever unsure, contact the event host or dungeon monitor. They’ve heard every version of “Can I wear this?” and will happily clarify.
Step 3: Building an Outfit That Works for You
You don’t need a closet full of latex or custom corsetry to look the part. Many experienced kinksters started with what they already owned and built from there.
Lingerie & Undergarments
For many submissives, lingerie is an easy and accessible place to start. Matching bra and panty sets, garters, or thigh-highs always fit the aesthetic. Bodysuits, fishnets, or bralettes paired with a collar or cuffs can transform simple pieces into statement looks.
If you’re more modest—or your dynamic leans toward protocol and restraint—opaque stockings, a sleek camisole, or a silk robe can be just as alluring.
Fetish Fabrics
Leather, latex, vinyl, rubber, and PVC all have strong associations with BDSM culture. They photograph beautifully under dungeon lighting and create that distinctive “scene-ready” feel. If you’re on a budget, faux leather leggings or a stretchy PVC crop top can give you the same effect for a fraction of the price.
Remember that fetish fabrics can be warm and sometimes difficult to move in. If you plan to play, make sure you can bend, kneel, or stretch comfortably in your outfit.
Roleplay & Identity-Based Outfits
Your outfit can also express your kink identity or the dynamic you’re stepping into for the evening. Age players often wear items that make them feel small or playful—like soft pajamas, overalls, cute skirts, or accessories such as hair bows, pacifier necklaces, or knee socks.
Pet players might choose ears, tails, collars, leashes, or even partial gear like mitts or harnesses that reflect their animal role.
If you dress in this way, be mindful of the venue’s guidelines—some public dungeons may ask that explicit roleplay items (like diapers or full pet hoods) be saved for designated play areas.
Mixing Street and Fetish Styles
Plenty of experienced players merge everyday fashion with fetish flair: black jeans and combat boots with a leather harness, or a simple black dress paired with cuffs and a choker.
You don’t need to go full-on fantasy—sometimes “hinting” at kink is more powerful than putting it all on display.
Collars and Accessories
For submissives, collars hold deep meaning. If you wear one publicly, be sure it’s consensual and appropriate for the setting. Some choose decorative or “day collars” for events when a formal ownership collar isn’t worn.
Other accessories to consider:
- Wrist or ankle cuffs
- Rope jewelry or decorative bindings
- Leather belts, gloves, or gauntlets
- Masks, veils, or hoods for anonymity and intrigue
Step 4: Comfort Is Kinky Too
A party may last several hours, and you might spend much of it standing, walking, kneeling, or sitting on cold dungeon floors. Choose footwear and fabrics that won’t have you silently counting down the minutes until you can take them off.
- Shoes: Sturdy heels, boots, or even barefoot are all valid depending on the venue. Avoid brand-new shoes you haven’t tested for comfort.
- Breathability: Dungeons get warm. Layers you can remove are your best friend.
- Confidence: If you’re fidgeting with straps or tugging at your hem all night, it’ll distract from your experience. Wear what lets you move freely.
Confidence, not couture, is what makes an outfit truly sexy.
Step 5: Creativity on a Budget
Not everyone can or wants to invest hundreds in designer fetishwear. Luckily, creativity counts for far more than cost. Some of the most striking outfits I’ve ever seen at play parties were handmade or improvised. Check out the essay, Fetish Wear for a Tenner or Less by Lauren. She gives some fantastic ideas that are affordable, versatile and useful.
- DIY Ideas:
- Cut an old T-shirt into a shredded top.
- Pair a simple black dress with a rope harness.
- Add metallic chains, safety pins, or studs to a plain corset or bra.
- Shop thrift stores for leather jackets, vests, or boots. A kinkster once showed up to a party I attended in a latex mini-dress they picked up from thrifting for a steal!
- Cut an old T-shirt into a shredded top.
A favorite example: once, I saw a woman wearing an entire dress made of intricately tied rope—a true work of art that was both sensual and symbolic. Creativity is the real dress code.
Step 6: What Not to Wear
Even in open-minded spaces, there are a few things best left at home.
- Strong Fragrances: Some attendees are sensitive to scents, and dungeons are often scent-free zones for safety and courtesy.
- Messy Glitter or Body Paint: They look great, but make cleanup a nightmare.
- Streetwear that Disrupts the Atmosphere: Unless specifically allowed, avoid jeans, T-shirts, sneakers, or sportswear unless integrated into a fetish look.
- Disrespectful Costumes: Avoid anything that mocks marginalized identities or uses cultural or religious symbols as “kink wear.”
When in doubt, ask yourself: Would this show respect for the space and community I’m entering?
Step 7: Dressing for Play vs. Dressing for Socializing
Not everyone who attends a play party intends to play. Some come to observe, socialize, or learn. If you’re unsure whether you’ll be active or not, plan an outfit that transitions easily:
- Socializing Outfit: Something comfortable and eye-catching, like a corset over leggings or a short robe with stockings.
- Play Outfit: Layers that can be quickly removed, or something that exposes the areas to be played with later.
Some submissives even bring a small bag with “scene wear”—like cuffs, rope, or a favorite toy—to change into once they’ve found a partner or negotiated play.
Step 8: Consider Your Dynamic and Boundaries
If you’re attending with a Dominant partner, discuss together what fits your dynamic. Some Dominants prefer their submissives to wear protocol outfits (like minimal clothing, a collar, or a specific color). Others want their submissives to choose for themselves and focus on comfort.
If you’re attending alone, choose something that aligns with your boundaries. No one should pressure you into dressing or undressing beyond what you’re comfortable with. What you wear—or don’t wear—should always be a choice rooted in consent, not expectation.
Step 9: Dressing for Every Body
Body type, age, and experience should never limit your ability to feel sexy. Confidence is the best outfit you can wear to any dungeon. Play parties are filled with people of all shapes, sizes, and abilities—because kink is for everyone.
If you’re self-conscious about your body:
- Wear fabrics that make you feel strong (leather, velvet, satin).
- Highlight parts of your body you love—shoulders, back, legs, etc.
- Use layering creatively: a sheer robe, a corset over a tank, or a wrap skirt can offer coverage while still feeling sensual.
No one there is judging your body; they’re too focused on their own scenes, sensations, and connections.
Step 10: Final Touches and Dungeon Etiquette
Once you’ve chosen your outfit, take a few last steps to make sure you’re ready:
- Pack a small bag with deodorant, wipes, condoms, and aftercare items.
- Check your outfit for wardrobe malfunctions. Safety pins or extra ties can save the night.
- Bring a cover-up for travel to and from the venue.
- Ask before touching someone’s outfit—it’s part of consent culture.
The Best Outfit Is the One That Makes You Feel Confident
At the end of the night, the most important rule is this: wear what makes you feel good. You could be in latex, lace, or nothing but a smile—what matters is that you feel comfortable in your skin, aligned with your role, and ready to enjoy the energy of the space.
Every submissive remembers their first party jitters. The uncertainty of walking into that room, the fluttering heartbeat, the “Do I fit in?” thoughts swirling in your head. But once you cross that threshold, you’ll realize everyone is there for the same reason—to explore, connect, and express themselves safely and consensually.
So choose something that lets you exhale when you look in the mirror.
Something that makes you stand taller.
Something that whispers: I belong here.
And then—enjoy the party.
Originally published July 21, 2009. Updated and expanded November 20, 2025.