Dear Luna,

In response to your post "Influx of Bossy Newbies Killing Old School Traditions", I wanted to ask: Where can I learn about the protocol-driven Leather Lifestyle? I've wanted to learn about it for some time.

On FetLife I've seen other's ask similar questions and each time they were answered with "Every relationship is different" and "Do what feels right for you and your Master." These are good things to know and everyone should be taught them, but when someone's looking for information this answer doesn't help us. We're wanting to learn the "old way" per-say, for a reason. We want to see if they are something that could work for us. I know for me, the image of the protocol-driven world is part of what drew me to learn about D/s.

Sincerely, - still learning

Dear still learning,

If you really want to learn about protocol driven Leather Lifestyle I recommend reading The Leatherman's Protocol Handbook: A Handbook on "Old Guard" Rituals, Traditions and Protocols by John D Weal. A lot of "Old Guard" History is in this book as well as rituals, rules and protocols that drive the Old School tradition. There is always an excellent handbook I've reviewed the female slave version here in the past called Protocol Handbook for the Leather Slave: Theory and Practice by Robert J Rubel PhD that is a more modern interpretation of old school traditions. I wish you the best.

Dear lunaKM,

Dom recently wanted to include a new sub in our relationship. I was shocked and hurt. His response was that evidently I haven't grown in my role as his sub enough to handle it. I am hurting on many levels and am questioning myself in every area - including wether I am truly sub material. Our agreement specially states that we are an exclusive couple. Do i have to grow to be able to accept this new arrangement or is it allowable for me to have a limit. Does this make me a bad sub? I feel like my foundation with the person that i love and trust most in the world has been taken away.

Dear shocked and hurt,

If your agreement specifically sates that you are exclusive then he is violating that agreement to tell you he wants another. It's time to either renegotiate or move on. If he can't keep up with his end of the agreement and you are not comfortable with this new development then that is a strong break in trust. It's perfectly okay to have a limit like this and it doesn't make you a bad sub. It has nothing to do with having grown as a sub or not. Not all relationships or people are poly. Monogamy in BDSM exists! I'm sorry you've had to go through this, but I guess it's better to know now than to find out a few months later because he's been keeping someone else a secret from you. Find someone who will respect your relationship limits and value the agreements you make.

Dear lunaKM,

I've tried to keep a journal/diary before, but it always ends up being left to collect dust after only a few, uninteresting entries. I want to start a Submissive's Journal, but I don't know if there's a good way to stick to it. I know there's journal topics on the website, and that's what has really sparked my interest on starting (and sticking with!) a journal.

I have a few reasons why I don't keep a journal. Firstly, my thoughts are usually all jumbled up in my head, and when I write, sometimes it just comes out in a unorganized mess. Also, another reason is that I feel like sometimes I don't think deeply enough, and I feel "shallow." I end up saying "I don't know!" to the prompts and declaring them too hard.

I know, if i want to keep a journal, I'm going to have to buckle down and do it. Maybe I'll get better at it though time? BUT, my question basically is: Any tips for starting and keeping a Submissive Journal? And Tips for making journal writing interesting and fun?

Dear "want to start a journal",

First, journals are not all the same and your jumble of thoughts and emotions may work just fine for what you need. Some of the best writing I've seen is unorganized to start with. Who is your audience? You? Maybe a Dominant? Why does it matter what order your thoughts come to you?

Writing is like riding a bike, you do get better with time and experience. Writing takes patience and practice to get where you want it to be. The point of the journal is to get all of your thoughts on paper.

Start with a physical book that you find pretty and enjoyable to have. Then set a clock for 10 mins and just write about anything you want or have on your mind.  If you can't answer the submissive prompts then don't. Make it a list, write to an imaginary person, write to a famous person you look up to. Just write. To make it more interesting you can doodle, use stickers or different colors. Want other ideas? Try The Benefits of Journaling, Tips to Start Journaling, 10 Easy Steps to Start Journaling.

Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!