Luna, I got involved with a dominant man, long distance then face to face. I knew him as a friend and he guided me into his spanko world. Somehow my experience left me debased and questioning is he dominant or just domineering. He was condescending to me even knowing that I never been spanked. Insisted on bruising till I was blue and black, didn’t really care if my needs were met sexually, played hard after having more than 5 drinks. Looks like he had no control over himself after drinking also.

Unfortunately, it sounds like you found a domineering asshole this time around. I hope you have moved on from him to find someone worth your time.

Dominance is about having control of yourself and consensual control of someone else. They will care about the person they are with, stay within agreed limits and rarely (I can’t say never) lose control of themselves.

When you are with a Dominant you should feel built up and worthy. It’s supposed to be a positive relationship.

If you are questioning their purpose, being abused and misused then you are not with someone who cares and certainly not a Dominant of any worth.

Take care of yourself, protect yourself and if you really want to enter the spanko world, do so as safely as you can. There are support groups for people that are into different kinks and you can find a listing for your area at