I recently met a Dom online and corresponded with him for over a month. He made it clear from the beginning what his 'rules' were and I agreed to them in principle though I also requested some limits of my own as this was to be my first Master/slave relationship. During the months exchange I sent him photos and films of myself at his request. He said this was for me to feel comfortable with my body in front of him although we had never met. I wasn't comfortable with this really but he promised he would delete everything I sent him. We then started talking on the phone and things seemed to be going well until he talked about a final test I would have to pass before we could meet. This he said was essential to ensure my obedience and submission to him. I would like to know if you consider this a normal way to proceed in an online relationship. I understand that cyber relationships can be unusual but his final test was rather beyond what I was I had anticipated as he expected me to meet with someone else for sex and film the encounter so I could prove I had carried out his orders.
Dear final test,
Boy this man is nothing but fishy. I do hope that since you are uncomfortable with his request for a final test that you are not going to go through with it. You are correct that cyber relationships can be different, but what I see here is a man manipulating you for jerk off material. When he gets what he wants you won't meet him - he'll move on to someone else to test. I doubt he will delete your photos and videos. Drop him like old newspaper and find someone who will care for you, online or off.
I am a bigger girl a (BBW) who is interested in Kink and BDSM. I have no experience however and have just begun looking into things more closely. My question to you is can the BBW and Fat Admirer (FA) Lifestyle and the BDSM and Kink Lifestyle co-exist or are they actually the same thing? If not are there both BBW's and FA's in the Kink and BDSM Lifestyle? Are both BBW's and FA's also accepted well within the BDSM and Kink community?
Yes the FA Lifestyle and BDSM/Kink can and do co-exist. They are not the same thing but they do cross mix. I'm obese and I've been active in the BDSM community locally and regionally for over 9 years. I've never had problems finding a partner that enjoys me for who I am. Let's think for a moment. Take a mental snapshot the next time you are in a crowd of adults, at the store, in a theater, what have you. You'll see people of all shapes, sizes and colors. Those are the same sorts of people that could be into FA or Kink or both. We don't hide in the shadows of society, we are in it too.
That being said, some groups are more narrow minded than others and may silently push you away from the group if you don't fit in to what they see as an ideal. It doesn't happen where I live, but I've heard about it. Just keep shopping for a community that makes you feel welcome and you will fit right in.
Hi. I'm knew to this lifestyle. Do you know why some Doms wants to be addressed as "Sir" and others "Master?" Is there a different meaning between this two titles or something?
and another question from someone else...
I am meeting with a man who refers to himself as a Master. My only experience has been with dominant/submissive relationships. Is there a difference? If so, what might it/they be?
Dear "confused on titles",
Some submissives like to be called slaves, pets, property, littles and brats. Does that make them different? Yes and no. They all submit in some way but the way they submit and how the personally identify is why they have different labels. The same goes for Dominants. Some Dominants prefer to be called Sir as a form of honorific, a sign of respect. Others want to be called Master because it is more authority focused. And still others just like one over the other.
There are also people in the Leather Lifestyle that work up to becoming a Master and earning their cover, a leather cap given in honor of service to the community. I highly doubt this is why that person refers to himself as a Master.
My suggestion is to ask them why they prefer one over another. Their personal identity will tell a lot about their choice. It's also a good idea to ask them what they consider their perfect match and see if you can be compatible with your own personal identity in D/s.