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BDSM vs Abuse

The core of BDSM is consent. No one will disagree with this. We are all aware, hopefully, that abuse is not consensual. If you feel that what is going on is ‘not right’ then you certainly should investigate if it is abuse or not. Some of what you may feel could not be abuse at all, but it’s good to know for sure. Learn how you can see the differences for yourself.

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Wants and Needs

Wants and needs are very important to any relationship. When you start to understand who you are as a submissive, it’s time to figure out what you are looking for in a relationship. The difference between wants and needs can be answered in one basic question. Is this something you can live without?

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For Male Submissives

While this site is predominantly written by and for female submissives, a lot of what we write about can apply to male submissives too. But there are topics that are specific to male submissives and relationships where the male is submissive and we’ve curated them into a single collection for you here.

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Pain Processing

Sadomasochism is the giving and receiving of sensations. In a lot of cases, this also includes pain. Many of the sadomasochistic tendencies bleed into our relationships in some form or another so what better discussion than to talk about processing pain. Now, no matter what processing method you use, there are ways you can learn to process pain differently to enjoy pain play more fully, allow you to take more pain and to push your pain edge further.

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Sex

Often enough, sex is involved in some form when you engage in BDSM play. But what if you don’t have a large repertoire? Let’s learn about the many varieties of sex and sex play from orgasms and anatomy to anal play and blow jobs. And everything else you can think of!

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BDSM Checklists

If you’ve just started out in BDSM and have asked a few questions, it is very likely that you have been directed to use a checklist to become familiar with what you may or may not like in play and roles and fetishes.A checklist can be very helpful for you when you are first starting out. You can learn what you might like to try and get answers to things you don’t know about. Some of the more detailed checklists can seem overwhelming but please realize that you don’t have to like everything. Pick and choose and be honest.

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Dirty Talk

When someone says “Talk dirty to me baby…” in the bedroom the hopefully-soon-to-be dirty talker instantly freezes like a soaking wet roll of toilet paper being thrown out of an igloo in Antarctica.What should you say? What do they want you to say? What if you say too much? What if you say too little?

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Coping with Release: The End of the D/s Relationship

How do you process the end of a D/s relationship? Explore the range of emotions and how you can reach closure.

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How to Access Sub Space

Sub-Space is very similar to other trancelike conditions which are practiced worldwide under names such as prayer, meditation and hypnosis or regression. Here's a step by step for how you can try to get there.

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9 Books on BDSM and D/s I've Read More Than Once (They're THAT Good!)

You have to admit that the books that resonate with you the most, are ones you've read more than once. Here's my list of 9 of the best BDSM and D/s related books that I've pulled off the shelf time and time again.

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