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Serving and Submission after an Abusive History

Having been in the lifestyle for almost two years now, one of the things that I have noticed is that I am facing a lot of issues due to abuse from my past. Not from any Dominant in the lifestyle, just from others in my past. I've learned enough that if you have similar past experiences, I'd like to share some of it with you.

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BDSM vs Abuse

The core of BDSM is consent. No one will disagree with this. We are all aware, hopefully, that abuse is not consensual. If you feel that what is going on is ‘not right’ then you certainly should investigate if it is abuse or not. Some of what you may feel could not be abuse at all, but it’s good to know for sure. Learn how you can see the differences for yourself.

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Wants and Needs

Wants and needs are very important to any relationship. When you start to understand who you are as a submissive, it’s time to figure out what you are looking for in a relationship. The difference between wants and needs can be answered in one basic question. Is this something you can live without?

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Limits

Limits are personal boundaries that everyone places for how far they are willing to take things. These limits can be sexual, personal, emotional or otherwise. You may even have some for your every day that you don’t realize are limits. If you don’t have any BDSM experience, the idea of setting up limits can be challenging. Let’s dive into what they are, how to figure them out and why you make sure they are respected.

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Strengths and Misconceptions of Kajira

The Gorean lifestyle actually allows women to be women and men to be Men. I am a woman, quite categorically female and I am a completely different creature of the human species type to Men, I am softer in nature, more emotional, curvier and more able to love unconditionally. Gor allows me to be true to my nature and to myself.

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Why I Could Never Return to a Vanilla Relationship

We are the sum of our experiences, after all, and if I hadn't learned these lessons I don’t think I’d be where I am today.

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When Play is No Longer Play: Recognizing Abuse in a BDSM Relationship

I am going to tell you, on no uncertain terms that if your dominant is hurting you out of anger this is abusive.

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Polyamory

Polyamorous relationships take many forms and can include many different levels of intimacy. The possibilities are limited only by the needs and desires of the parties involved. A poly lifestyle is really a challenge and for those that it works well for, it is worth it. Are you curious about poly relationships?

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Gorean Relationships

D/s relationships, built on the stylings of John Norman’s Counter-Earth series, Gor are unique in the D/s Lifestyle. Explore what it means to be a slave in this type of relationship.

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D/s Dating

Dating is dating. It’s not easy and how we approach it affects the outcome. Once you adjust your thinking to how we go about dating and the changes in life that the Lifestyle brings upon us you will see that finding a partner is never easy.

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