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The False Comfort of Labels on Our Personal Identity in Kink

We allow ourselves to become trapped within the created labels of others we are essentially accepting an external level of control or entrapment. Becoming comfortable and accepting of yourself is when you will find your personal strength and internal peace.

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Wants and Needs

Wants and needs are very important to any relationship. When you start to understand who you are as a submissive, it’s time to figure out what you are looking for in a relationship. The difference between wants and needs can be answered in one basic question. Is this something you can live without?

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Limits

Limits are personal boundaries that everyone places for how far they are willing to take things. These limits can be sexual, personal, emotional or otherwise. You may even have some for your every day that you don’t realize are limits. If you don’t have any BDSM experience, the idea of setting up limits can be challenging. Let’s dive into what they are, how to figure them out and why you make sure they are respected.

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30 Days of Submission

Every day throughout the month of November 2013 there was a new post from me answering the questions posed in the 30 Days of Submission meme that I’d seen going around. You gain a glimpse into who I am as a submissive and my relationship with KnyghtMare.

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Lessons in Submissive Speech

Not long after my first step into the real world of BDSM I learned of a phrase that to this day has no real definition that I can pin to it. That phrase is “speaking submissively.” To me, there is no way to speak submissively that isn’t also speaking respectfully and with deference. Many other people speak the same way in situations that call for it, like in front of a judge or to the president for instance.But I still get questions about how a submissive is supposed to say x, y and z so I thought that I’d do my best to convey what I think would work in a variety of circumstances so that if the occasion arises that you need to “speak submissively” you’ll have something you can say.

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The Many Faces of Submission

What I'm about to lay out for you is not the only way these terms can be described but it is a good measure for the novice and open to your interpretation. No one way to serve is better than another in this list. Remember that not matter where we are on the mountainous journey, the goal is the same. Surrender.

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Sub v. Slave: A Second Opinion

To me there is quite a difference between being submissive and a slave. A submissive retains the power over themselves and their body. Many are not going to agree with me on this. I don't feel that discipline, true discipline should be put in place with a sub. If a submissive still has power over themselves then how can they really mess up to the point of punishment outside of play. Slaves on the other hand, particularly those who live it 24/7 sometimes need punishment just for the sake of training, being kept in line and as a reminder of their place.

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Kink and Mental Health: Real Emotion v. Mental Illness

Sometimes those around me can't tell the difference between my mental illness and an actual emotional problem. I do my best to reassure those around me that it's really not them, it's me. And I'm not always successful. And they often do more reassuring than I do. But without knowing the underlying cause, and figuring out how to avoid it, I'm kinda stuck. So that's something I'm working on.

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Personal Safety Mantra: Safe Sane and Consensual (SSC)

What is SSC? It's a credo that people in the BDSM community use to express the safety tenets of play.

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RACK: The Risk Acceptable Safety Mantra

Understanding the differences of RACK and SSC can help you decide if your preference for activities is more for one mantra or another.

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