Dear Submissive Guide,

Is it normal for your Master to want to play and have sex with others?



Dear Curious,

I could give you the glib answer and say, “There’s no such thing as normal” but that doesn’t help you much, does it?

Do some people, Dominant or submissive, want to have open relationships where they can have multiple partners? Yes.

Are some people and relationships polyamorous? Do they invite different people or a single person into their relationship in whatever way suits them? Yes.

Is it a requirement of D/s, BDSM, or kink? No.

Does your Master need your consent first? Yes. Otherwise, it’s cheating.

Only you know how you feel about your partner playing or having sex with other people. Whatever your feelings are, they’re okay to have.

You can think it’s completely okay only in certain situations - you have to know the person, you have to know it’s happening before it happens, you want to know all the details, you have to approve of the people, etc. Likewise, you can decide that you don’t want to know anything but you can require your partner to use protection, get tested, etc. You can also hate the entire idea of it and say that if he wants to be in a relationship with you, he won’t do it.

At some point, before playing and having sex with other partners begins, there needs to be a conversation. You both have to agree to how it will work, in what situations it will or won’t happen, and whether it will happen at all. If he wants to have multiple partners and you don’t want him to, you have to decide whether your relationship will continue. There is no right or wrong answer. The only wrong answer is if your Master has sexual or kinky encounters that you’re uncomfortable with, if he lies to you about any part of it, or if he never tells you at all and once confronted about it says he can because “He’s the Master.”

Not all Dominants, Masters or otherwise, want to have multiple partners in their relationship. Some do. It’s “normal” if it’s something you both discuss, negotiate, and agree to allow into your relationship.

And if you wonder if you should, ask yourself these questions:

Do I trust my partner completely? Does my partner always tell me the truth, good or bad?

Does my partner make communication a priority? Am I left wondering what he really meant or are things clearly explained?

Do I have the freedom to express my own doubts, worries, or concerns? Will he listen to me and take my feelings into consideration?

If your answers are all a big, emphatic, without-a-doubt yes, and you’re comfortable with the idea of opening up your relationship, go for it - slowly and with a lot of communication. But if you don’t have a relationship where you feel you trust your partner and can communicate openly, there will be problems down the road.