When you start doing your own self-work, or self-coaching, you may be surprised how your priorities reorganize themselves when you start focusing on your needs instead of your wants. Your needs are healthy and have a right to be met.
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The core of BDSM is consent. No one will disagree with this. We are all aware, hopefully, that abuse is not consensual. If you feel that what is going on is ‘not right’ then you certainly should investigate if it is abuse or not. Some of what you may feel could not be abuse at all, but it’s good to know for sure. Learn how you can see the differences for yourself.
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Service is any activity or function that you fill to make your dominant partner's life easier. This could be as simple as preparing their coffee, laying out their clothes for them or performing domestic chores. Yes, it does include the play and sex aspects of some relationships, but not all of them are wired this way.
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Using my experience as a service submissive, I'd like to share what non-sexual service is and help you figure out if service is something you want to explore. I'll talk about a few different styles of service you could learn. Then we'll cover how you can start adding aspects of service into your relationship.
Read The Article | Find SimilarWants and needs are very important to any relationship. When you start to understand who you are as a submissive, it’s time to figure out what you are looking for in a relationship. The difference between wants and needs can be answered in one basic question. Is this something you can live without?
Read The Series | Find SimilarSubmissives all over seem to know what they want out of a relationship; it's always present in their minds. The play, the sex, the love or strictness of dominance. Wants are very valid to the happiness in your life, but more important are the needs. When you think of needs, the list seems to come harder and people struggle more with defining what they really need.
Read The Article | Find SimilarOnce you have your list worked out and are satisfied with how important it is for you to have these needs met, it's time to express them. Not only will it keep your submissive transparent, but it will provide you with information on your partner's wants and needs. Needs lists are not negotiable. You shouldn't settle and you should never have someone convince you that your needs aren't important.
Read The Article | Find SimilarIt's never easy to set aside insecurities. No one is asking you to go at this alone. Your partner is there and wants you to come with him as he fulfills his needs.
Read The Article | Find SimilarA common derogatory word used in submissive circles is “doormat” as in, you don’t want to be a doormat submissive. Rarely is it talked about beyond saying that you should not let your Dominant walk all over you. I agree of course, but for the inexperienced, understanding what that really means can come after being trampled into the mat.
Read The Article | Find SimilarUnderstanding your needs and how important certain ones in your life is a key component to finally reaching happiness and fulfillment.
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